


the gay space club: accepting new members

by rosyjoony



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Explicit Language, Fluff, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Protective Bangtan Boys, Sexting, Smut, Taehyung is nonbinary, Texting, chat fic, the group chat that fucks around falls in love and really loves uranus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-08-10 02:19:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 24,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16461593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosyjoony/pseuds/rosyjoony
Summary: taebby: i am not saying i’m in lovetaebby: but i want them to stuff every atom of the universe up my asschimchimney: oh my god





	1. dicks out for jupiter

_[the gay space club]_

taebby: so anyway that’s how i ended up in a&e with a butt plug stuck halfway up my ass

  
hopesworld: happens to the best of us rlly

  
chimchimney: a dream really

  
thesuccjin: a whole ass mood

  
thesuccjin: ahhhahhhahahAh

  
nambam: Great to see you all using this group chat productively!

  
nambam: And as much as I enjoyed that anecdote Tae there’s more pressing matters to attend to

  
nambam: first of all, university restarts in 3 days, so we really need to think of our action plan for letting in new members

  
hopesworld: chief

  
nambam: Yep

  
hopesworld: u seemed to of forget we’re the gay space society

  
hopesworld: the chances of new members

  
hopesworld: is about as likely as tae not getting dicked for a week

  
taebby: yous right

  
nambam: No guys come on let’s think POSITIVE

  
thesuccjin: jfc here we go

  
chimchimney: he’s about to start doing the Be Positive chat

  
thesuccjin: anybody else muting

  
nambam: Don’t you dare

  
thesuccjin: you SURE you can speak to your hyung like that

  
nambam: Sorry hyung

  
thesuccjin: good boy

  
nambam: BaCK to the matter at hand

  
nambam: Any guidelines to accepting?

  
hopesworld: bar the obvious explanation that this is a completely inclusive society that runs under the name gay space club merely for the way it sounds and in fact features 3 homosexuals and 2 bisexuals one of which is non binary

  
hopesworld: then it’s cool to me

  
thesuccjin: let the fresh meat enter

  
chimchimney: i love the idea of new members !!!!!!!

  
taebby: see i’ve been going over some ideas for the club name

  
thesuccjin: please don’t

  
chimchimney: oh tae no sweetie

  
nambam: That’s really not necessary Tae

  
taebby: how many earths can you fit in uranus 

  
taebby: two men one supermassive black hole

  
taebby: dicks out for jupiter

  
taebby: and a personal favourite

  
taebby: are you made of nickel, cerium, arsenic and sulphur? cause you have a NiCe ass

  
nambam: Some thoughts

  
nambam: This is a space club so NiCe ass doesn’t apply as it's a chemistry pun but solid effort

  
nambam: and really I don’t really think any other will fly

  
nambam: We’re barely scraping the line of existence how it is, we’re only here because the school needed to show diversity

  
thesuccjin: i love the pity

  
hopesworld: i mean i like dicks out for jupiter

  
chimchimney: hyung!!! my eyes!!! please leave your jupiter kink at the door of this group chat

  
hopesworld: THIS IS A SAFE SPACE

  
nambam: Well in that case, I’ll flag that we’re accepting new members and let you know how it goes

  
nambam: Besides that, anybody wanna come round later for pizza and Zelda?

  
chimchimney: yes

  
taebby: yes

  
hopesworld: yes

  
thesuccjin: yes

 

 

 

 _The Gay Space Club_ shared a post to _Seoul University_

Do you have a big love for the solar system?  
Are you wanting to enter an entirely inclusive environment?  
The Gay Space Club is accepting new members!!!

Contact kimnj@sus.ac.kr

_(We accept all regardless of sexuality, gender etc. Do not be fooled by our club name)_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i even sorry??? no 
> 
> enjoy this mess i've already wrote multiple chapters (longer than this) it's what i go to when i'm in a writing pause woops
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	2. uwu gwuys

taebby: so i’m sat there, bbq sauce on my nipples

  
hopesworld: whys it gotta be bbq

  
hopesworld: what about mayo

  
taebby: because mayonnaise tastes like stale ass my darling hobnobs

  
nambam: GUYS we got our first application!!!!

  
taebby: to be continued

  
taebby: WHOMEST

  
chimchimney: omg !!!

  
hopesworld: wtf it worked

  
thesuccjin: are they cute

  
nambam: Jeon Jungkook, first year

  
hopesworld: never heard of them

  
thesuccjin: brb

  
chimchimney: awww a first year

  
chimchimney: you guys that’s so young

  
hopesworld: you just finished first year

  
chimchimney: yeahs and what’s your point

  
hopesworld: nvrmind 

  
taebby: SEE if we were CALLED dicks out for jupiter, i think we’d have at least quarter of the university wanting to join

  
taebby: but nobody listens

  
chimchimney: i listened taetae

  
taebby: this is why i love U

  
nambam: Anyway no reason to not accept right?

  
thesuccjin: WAIT

  
thesuccjin: i did some digging

  
thesuccjin: 

 

thesuccjin: 

hopesworld: well slap my ass and call me brenda 

  
hopesworld: they're in

  
nambam: What do they FEED the children of today so they look like that

  
chimchimney: ooft i’m soft

hopesworld: ooft i’m hard 

  
thesuccjin: 100% in then

  
chimchimney: agreEd

  
hopesworld: tae?

  
taebby: i would like a moment.

 

  
_[chimchimney]_

 

taebby: i am not saying i’m in love

  
taebby: but i want them to stuff every atom of the universe up my ass

  
chimchimney: oh my god

 

  
_[the gay space society]_

 

nambam: I’ll send over the formal sign up now

  
thesuccjin: they seem rather shy

  
thesuccjin: doesn’t really have many followers, mostly posts artsy videos and shit and cute animals. sometimes a selfie

  
chimchimney: I feel kinda bad about the stuff they're gonna see if we add them here

  
taebby: i want to show them the world and more

  
hopesworld: uhhhh

  
nambam: tae are you okay

  
taebby: fine yeah im fine yeah what do i not seem fine because i’m fine

  
thesuccjin: say fine one (1) more time  
taebby: fine

  
hopesworld: if you scare jungkook away I’ll shove a telescope up your ass

  
taebby: i won’t kink shame you hobi

  
taebby: lube it up big boi

  
nambam: Why do I have to subject myself to reading this

  
chimchimney: i do love it when we all work together

  
thesuccjin: you created this group Joonie, how does it feels to watch your child end up like this

  
nambam: I’ve cried real tears

  
chimchimney: do u want us to talk normally

  
taebby: tiME FOR SUM RoleplAY

  
taebby: uhhh hey dude bros wanna see this banging porn vid i found

  
chimchimney: dudeee is it of ur mom

  
chimchimney: (jks i love your mom omg i feel weird)

  
taebby: dudeeeeee

  
taebby: (chim it's fine its roleplay)

  
thesuccjin: guyssss not to be like totally fkn Gay but ur my bros

  
taebby: dudeeeeeeeeee

  
hopesworld: uWu

  
hopesworld: hewwo

  
hopesworld: awe you guys wistenying

  
nambam: what the fuck

  
thesuccjin: hobi what the duck

  
taebby: AJSJXJCJ

  
hopesworld: you guys said roleplay ?

  
taebby: so you thought the best possible response was to owo

  
chimchimney: i thought it was cute hobi

  
thesuccjin: jimin no

  
hopesworld: jimin yes

  
nambam: Are you guys gonna be like this when I add Jungkook

  
taebby: hhhhhhh

  
chimchimney: for the time being joon i think we shouldn't mention the J word

  
taebby: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  
thesuccjin: taehyung.exe has stopped responding

  
hopesworld: namjoon we are totally gonna be like this in front of he who shalt not be named

  
nambam: Well lets not be TOO weird, he’ll probably reply soon and I don't want him to quit as soon as he enters

  
thesuccjin: the most alarming part of this all is, the fact you're trying to censor what we say here

  
thesuccjin: when it's going to be even worse when we meet up in club meetings

  
nambam: Oh Jesus fuck

  
thesuccjin: anybody else get hard when he swears

  
taebby: no

  
chimchimney: ew no

  
hopesworld: a wittwe bit

 _taebby_ removed _hopesworld_ from _the gay space club_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway,,, i uploaded this drUNK so
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	3. clams, seagulls and ice cream

[ _taebby_ ]

chimchimney: just breathe

chimchimney: stay clam

chimchimney: calm

chimchimney: or clam as well whatever you want

taebby: bUT whAT If I mEss Up jIMin

chimchimney: you won’t mess up !! ur toooo cute to do that

chimchimney: and i’ll be ur wingman!! the houston to ur apolo tae

chimchimney: joony is gonna add him later anyway so we don’t have to worry yet !!!

taebby: uhhhhhhh

chimchimney: ur getting worked up over NOTHING

taebby: this isn’t nothing it’s the love of my life thx

chimchimney: you have said this to me multiple times in our lives

taebby: i’m cereal

chimchimney: we’ve established ur clam

taebby: you established

 

  
[ _kookie01_ ]

nambam: I’m going to add you in 5 so like I said

  
nambam: It might get weird, it’s the way we are

  
kookie01: like how weird ??

  
nambam: Like if somebody asks to suck your dick they don’t mean it

  
nambam: Probably

  
nambam: Maybe

  
kookie01: righttttt

  
kookie01: should i think of some conversation starters or something

  
nambam: No need the group chat just goes like the wind

  
nambam: Let it take you where it wants you to go

  
kookie01: i have absolutely no idea what that means my dude

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

 _nambam_  added _kookie01_

 

[ _taebby_ ] 

  
taebby: i just fkn shat ngl to u

  
chimchimney: CLAM STAY CLAM

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

nambam: This is Jungkook guys! Be nice and introduce ourselves

kookie01: yeah hi everyone 

  
hopesworld: you make this sound like a bible club

  
thesuccjin: it is a club you noodle

hopesworld: YH for circle jerking over jupiter not the bible 

nambam: I can promise we have never  did that

   
nambam: I’m going first before this gets worse

  
nambam: Namjoon, third year, major in Physics but minor in music production and English classical literature

  
nambam: I’m very gay

  
nambam: 

  
thesuccjin: snacc

  
thesuccjin: seokjin but u can call me jin

  
thesuccjin: masters student in food science but i’m gay for planets too

  
thesuccjin: even tho i’m bi

  
thesuccjin:

  
thesuccjin: let ur eyes b blessed

  
hopesworld: hoseok but u can call me hobi, hope, your man

  
hopesworld: any is fine

  
hopesworld: dance major physics minor, third year

  
hopesworld: 

taebby: im gonna stop you RIGHT FUCKING THERE

  
chimchimney: CLAM

  
taebby: your man?????

  
nambam: TAE NO

  
taebby: TAE YE S

  
chimchimney: CLAM

  
nambam: Introduce yourselves before you act like crackheads PLEASE

  
taebby: fkn fine

  
taebby: taehyung/tae. they/them pronouns please. i’m bi. photography major, physics minor. i like dick and ice cream. both together is fine

  
taebby: 

  
taebby: now can i please fight hoseok

  
hopesworld: i haven’t done anything

  
chimchimney: HI I’m jimin!!!!

  
taebby: you tried to steal my man

  
chimchimney: i’m a second year dance major, physics minor too

  
chimchimney: everybody calls me chim or mochi!!!!

  
hopesworld: not sERIOUSLY steal him

  
chimchimney: also very gay

chimchimney: 

  


  
nambam: That’s all of us then

  
nambam: You can introduce yourself now if you like Jungkook! 

  
kookie01: well i’m jungkook, some people call me kookie

  
kookie01: i’m a media and film student, undecided minor but u know it’s probably gonna be physics

  
kookie01: and i like dick too

  
kookie01: but not as much as ice cream. he/him pronouns

  
kookie01: 

  
nambam: Fantastic!!!!

  
nambam: Any questions?

  
taebby: yes

  
nambam: Not you

  
kookie01: ya just a quick one now that’s over

  
kookie01: first of all , what the fuck

  
kookie01: second of all , why the fuck

  
thesuccjin: i like him already

  
thesuccjin: can we keep him daddy plz

 

nambam: Uhhh yeah

  
hopesworld: idk why u answered to daddy

  
hopesworld: and i don’t want to know either honestly 

  
nambam: Be quiet

  
chimchimney: also JUNGKOOK you need a nickname!!!!

  
hopesworld: TRU

 

 _kookie01_ changed their name to _seagull_

 

thesuccjin: unexpected flex but okay

  
chimchimney: that is so cute

  
taebby: can i ask my question now

  
taebby: can you send another photo plz

  
seagull: me?

  
taebby: yeS

  
taebby: ive already saw that photo

  
seagull: um

  
taebby: it has come to my attention i have said something weird

 

[ _taebby_ ]

  
chimchimney: ABORT MISSION ABORT

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

seagull: i won’t ask how u already saw it because at this point i don’t wanna kno but

  
seagull: 

  
seagull: here’s another anyway?

  
taebby: sir can i please suck ur dick 

 

[ _taebby_ ]

chimchimney: honestly tae i think it went fine !!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a mess because i’m hungover
> 
> also yoongi is coming,,, soon i have not forgotten my yoongo boongo meow meow
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	4. switch

thesuccjin: i’m not busy tonight after all

 

nambam: same time?

 

thesuccjin: same place baby

 

 

_[the gay space club]_

 

nambam: First club meeting is this Thursday remember

taebby: can’t make it

 

taebby: takin my bike to the vets

 

thesuccjin: uuuuuhhhhh

 

chimchimney: theyre coming theyre being an ass

 

taebby: okay then i can’t come because i need to wash my hair

 

hopesworld: in the middle of the universityday ???

 

taebby: yes.

 

seagull: what room is it again

 

nambam: 104

 

nambam: Taehyung I will need you there so I can get the club photo

taebby: allergic

 

thesuccjin: to what???

 

taebby: photos

 

nambam: You’re coming and that’s final

 

taebby: you all owe me So much

 

seagull: what do you guys even do

 

thesuccjin: did u join without even knowing ????

 

chimchimney: KOOKIE we basically talk and look at research done over the past week sometimes we do spotlights on certain planets or stars and we used to make model planets but we had to stop

 

seagull: why d id u stop

 

nambam: Basically

 

hopesworld: everybody kept saying they were making uranus and just made an asshole

 

seagull: u guys???

 

chimchimney: no………

 

taebby: don’t know what ur talkin ABOUT

 

nambam: Really Tae because I’m pretty sure it was you who made one so detailed we had to burn it so no professors saw it

 

taebby: what can i say

 

taebby: i’m an experienced artist

 

chimchimney: the hair was too far

 

seagull: i gagged

 

taebby: hope u swallowed

 

seagull: what

 

taebby: what

 

thesuccjin: can u get a room

 

hopesworld: u all need Jesus

 

chimchimney: hobi ur the gayest of us all

 

thesuccjin: and i’m 100% sure ur a secret furry

 

thesuccjin: if anything it’s u

 

hopesworld: regardless if i am or not i see NO problem in expressing urself that way 

 

taebby: u do u tho

 

thesuccjin: but still consult Jesus

 

seagull: i’ve never met a furry before

 

seagull: in fact i haven’t met many gay or bi people either

 

chimchimney: sorry : (((((

 

seagull: uhh it’s fine just came from a small town

 

thesuccjin: didn’t we all

 

nambam: That’s why this is so important and if you ever have any problems we can help

 

thesuccjin: apart from topping questions i can’t help

 

chimchimney: mood

 

taebby: life’s a party when ur a switch

 

hopesworld: legit

 

seagull: what’s a switch

 

thesuccjin: BOI

 

taebby: omfg

 

chimchimney: IM LEAVING THE CHAT WHILE U GUYUS EXPLAIN

 

seagull: i’m jking imjking

 

seagull: sorta

 

seagull: is it like

 

seagull: no preference ???

 

taebby: YH sorta

 

seagull: oh sweet

 

seagull: like hannah montana

 

seagull: best of both worlds

 

thesuccjin: wtf you’ve learned the crackhead way so fast

 

hopesworld: our baby is growing up

 

chimchimney: i thought i was the baby

 

taebby: ur mine

 

chimchimney: i luv u

 

seagull: u know what’s nice

 

hopesworld: wot

 

seagull: that u guys, tae and jimin, are so open

 

taebby: uhhhhhhh

 

chimchimney: ????!

 

seagull: like together

 

taebby: together

 

thesuccjin: HAHAHAHAHAH

 

nambam: i’m back what did i miss

 

nambam: WAIT HAHAHAHA

 

hopesworld: fuck my life

 

chimchimney: me and tae aren’t together oh my christ

 

chimchimney: sure ive sucked their dick a couple times but who hasn’t

 

hopesworld: all of us bar you honestly

 

seagull: same

 

taebby: that can be changed

 

seagull: what

 

taebby: that was my hamster typing sorry

 

...

 

 

Tominyg@su.ac.kr

 

Dear Min Yoongi.

 

It has came to our attention that you are considerably slipping below the accepted grades and attendance here at Seoul University.

 

We hope you understand how important it is to see our students succeed. 

In order to save your degree you must

\- Attend at least 80% of university per week.

\- Maintain a grade C or above, with clear signs of progression towards higher grades

\- Join at least one society for this year

 

We hope you take aboard our requirements and do it with the best of you ability. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to respond as such.

 

 

\- Seoul University Administration 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot is thicc and juicy
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	5. unwanted flex but ok

nambam: So we got another application  
  
thesuccjin: REALLH

taebby: i love this sONG

chimchimney: who is ittttt

nambam: Guys

nambam: You’ll never fucking believe it

thesuccjin: i i can't believe joon just swore again

hopesworld: my dick it do be hard

  
_[nambam]_

minyoongi: is this kim namjoon 

minyoongi: its min yoongi 

minyoongi: i want to join the society of yours or something  
  
minyoongi: really have a thing for uhh

minyoongi: space and fisting???

 

_[the gay space club]_

nambam: : [screenshot]  
  
thesuccjin: wow

hopesworld: fuck off that’s not him

nambam: Completely is

tAshby: but he’s so… popular

thesuccjin: never judge a book by its cover

hopesworld: wtf is happening on this here day

chimchimney: guys

chimchimney: he’s kinda intimidating jooniehyung

nambam: I know that but

nambam: everybody deserves a chance? We’re inclusive after all

hopesworld: guess

chimchimhey right well

chimchimney: i can't ever remember his own friends being inclusive when they trashed mine and tae’s bikes and wrote “freak” on my locker

chimchimney: or the time they followed tae into the showers to in their own words “check if they were a boy or girl”

taebby: chim

chimchimney: no listen to me thx

chimchimney: this is our safe space  
  
chimchimney: we might joke but it’s true

thesuccjin: :(

nambam: I’m sorry Tae I’m sorry Jimin

taebby: look it's fine  
  
taebby: it's just i want us to be sure about this

taebby: i don't want anybody to get hurt

nambam: I

taebby: maybe he's a good guy maybe he's looking for some friends

taebby: we’ve all been there when we’re alone and nobody understands

taebby: fuck maybe he just has a thing for fkn asteroids 

taebby: the most we can do is try to see what he's about first  
  
hopesworld: taehyung i love you baby

chimchimney: really we do

nambam: You sure Tae?

taebby: completely  
  
seagull: taehyung i know we don’t know each other that well but you’re rearly brave 

   
taebby: thank you Jungkook

seagull: don’t mention it  
  
nambam: So shall I reply

thesuccjin: yeah

taebby: yes!

chimchimney: fine.

hopesworld: yessss

nambam: Jungkook?

seagull: what up

nambam: You’re as much as part of this as the rest of us

navmbam: Are you fine with it  
  
seagull: yeah

seagull: but if he so much as breathes in the wrong way towards tae  
  
seagull: I will rip his dick off

chimchimney: fkn mood.

taebby: i came here for mutual love of wanting to have my ass ate under the constellations

taebby: i am leaving with two hench bodyguards

hopesworld: two??? I might not be a muscle pig but I’ll throw a punch

thesuccjin: it’s true

nambam: I’m an atheist mostly but

nambam: I too would fight

thesuccjin: christ.

taebby: you guys are my life

  
_[minyoongi]_

nambam: That’s fine.

nambam: But I can warm you now, we’re a very serious club, like a family. We take it quite seriously and we also take it seriously when that’s disturbed

minyoongi: uhh dude what’s the issue

nambam: No issue

nambam: Just looking out for my friends.  
  
minyoongi: ???

minyoongi: don’t understand the flex but ok

nambam: I’ll send you over the formal sign up.

minyoongi: right ok.

 

 

  
_[the gay space club]_

hopesworld: okay sorry but why is literally nobody else commentin on that fact he said he liked fisting as an introduction 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: here’s yoongi!!! 
> 
> also me: hes an ass 
> 
> me: we love him!!! 
> 
> also me: make him unlikable
> 
> jks he’s v lovable it’s just stupid plot and this one wasn’t v funny but it’s gonna b next chapter
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	6. yooogn, boogbog, yoghurt

[ _the gay space club_ ]

 

taebby: just throwing this into the ring

taebby: just sliding it in

taebby: 

taebby: we should go out drinking

  
thesuccjin: as the chosen adult of this group chat i can testify this is the worst idea you’ve ever had

  
hopesworld: succ my cock jin i wanna go too

  
hopesworld: kARRaokeE

  
chimchimney: omg I LOVE karaoke and WINE can we do it

  
thesuccjin: the last time we all got drunk together i ended up in the back of a car with two lebanese strippers and a ticket to see mariah carey it’s literally not happening

  
taebby: honestly that sounds like a you problem

  
chimchimney: mariah carey came to south korea?

  
thesuccjin: that’s the worst part she wasn’t even coming to south korea

  
chimchimney: oh

  
seagull: how the fuck did you not die

  
seagull: like i’m sure the sentence back of car with two lebanese strippers ends with you saying you nearly died

  
thesuccjin: honestly no They were lovely I still text one of them sometimes

  
taebby: so you didn’t die and nothing bad happened

  
thesuccjin: well i didn’t see mariah

chimchimney: a you problem

  
taebby: plZ i must drink alcohol with friends so i don’t feel guilty about being drunk

  
taebby: like being drunk is like a gangbang

  
taebby: it doesn’t count if i do it alone

  
nambam: That analogy makes no sense

  
hopesworld: you’re like the police of nonsense joon

  
hopesworld: somebody says some bullshit and you crawl out from whichever rock you’ve been under to say something

  
nambam: I have selective notification responding

  
nambam: Also did you just call me a mollusc

  
thesuccjin: that is not a thing

  
nambam: IT really IS

  
taebby: i want a PINT

  
taebby: OF WINE

  
seagull: wtf is a pint

  
taebby: English drinks measure

  
seagull: imagine being cultured

  
chimchimney: can’t relate

  
nambam: I think drinking is a good idea

  
thesuccjin: doth my eyes deceive me

  
hopesworld: nam daddy agreed it’s a go

  
chimchimney: get ur asses in gear sluts we’re going drinking

 

  
[ _nambam_ ]

nambam: Hey sorry I’ve been busy

  
nambam: But I’ve looked over your application and it’s all good!

  
nambam: Welcome to the club. We meet on Thursdays, you missed our last one where we discussed the future of space travel but you should be fine for the next

  
nambam: Its going to be about astrology versus science

  
minyoongi: cool

  
minyoongi: should I bring anything

  
nambam: Yourself and your brain!

  
minyoongi: sick

  
nambam: Cool! I’ll add you to the group chat later

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

chimchimney: I don’t know what to wear : ( show me ur outfits my angel delights

  
thesuccjin: ill take a pic of mine and nam’s

thesuccjin: 

  
taebby: the classic

taebby: 

hopesworld: 

  
seagull:

  
taebby: how do u like ur eggs

  
seagull: scrambled

  
chimchimney: delicious i am friends with beauties

  
chimchimney: 

  
chimchimney: lets go !

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

nambam: We’re outside! Where you guys

  
hopesworld: outside too

  
hopesworld: taes having a dance off with kookie

  
chimchimney: they winning

  
taebby: fkn wasted

 

[ _the gay space club]_

  
thesuccjin: we are LOST again

  
chimchimney: I LASy Saw u when they played BRITNEY

 

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

 _nambam_ added _minyoongi_

 

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

chimchimney: hHey WhehEre is everyboDY

  
minyoongi: what?

  
chimchimney: who€< the DUCK are you

  
minyoongi: i just got added

  
minyoongi: im yoongi

  
chimchimney: you’re the fuCKJNG ASS

  
chimchimney: listen matey

  
chimchimney: you can eat WHOEVERS ASS UWant

  
chimchimney: bUT u donot DISERESPECT my FAMILY

  
minyoongi: are you okay

  
nambam: IT BE TOONGI

  
nambam: HI GOOGNIE

  
nambam: IM SORT OF THE LEADER HERE SO I WILL TELL U INTRODUCE URSELF

  
nambam: my baby gAYS LINE UP TO INTRODUCE

  
taebby: fkn hello hello hello

  
taebby: we deeepthroafed 2 much wine

  
taebby: but I am TEEHYUNG i’m a student of universiiity

  
taebby: plz use they :/ them pronouns TO ME

  
taebby: i am a bisexual which MEANS my life is two times AS HARD

  
chimchimney: WHERE IS EBEYBODIU

hopesworld: neXT to the bar where u got shits

  
hopesworld: SHOTs

  
nambam: SHITS

  
thesuccjin: hi i’m quite sober

  
thesuccjin: i’m jin i’m a masters student

  
thesuccjin: i am a bisexual

  
thesuccjin: my life is hard But not as hard as namjoon’s dick when he sees me

  
nambam: BOIIIII

  
nambam: THAYS TRUETGO

  
nambam: FANNYS IM NAMJOON IM A GAY MAN WHO LIKES PHYSICS

  
hopesworld: imm hobi knobi dobbi

  
hopesworld: u wanna know something !! Im gay don’t tell annybody

  
hopesworld: jokes tell everybody spread the word

  
seagull: annyeonghaseyo jeoneun bangtan sonyeondan hwanggeum maknae jeon jungkook imnidanambam uwuwuw

  
hopesworld: jungkookjungkookjjgkook

  
seagull: im  the baby here im the baby gay im the youngest

  
taebby: but ur THE CUTEST

nambam: CHIMIN come here right now and introduce

  
chimchimney: feck off u hairy spoon

  
taebby: harry spoon

  
chimchimney: im  jimin im 20 and i never fkn learned how to read

  
chimchimney: i am dance

  
chimchimney: Gay

  
chimchimney: I don’t like u

  
minyoongi: you guys are so fucking weird

  
chimchimney: THIS IS WHY

  
nambam: CALM DOWN JININ

  
taebby: CLAM

  
chimchimney: i will fight

  
chimchimney: (ง •̀_•́)ง

  
hopesworld: oh my tits that’s cute

  
seagull: mint yoon

  
seagull: i will too fight u

  
minyoongi: why are we fighting

  
nambam: can YOU INTRODUCE urself YOONGO

  
minyoongi: it’s yoongi can somebody PLEASE spell my name

  
taebby: yooogn

  
chimchimney: asshole

  
seagull: boogbog

  
hopesworld: yoghurt

  
thesuccjin: yoongi

  
minyoongi: thanks

  
minyoongi: im yoongi im a music student

  
minyoongi: the planets are okay

  
minyoongi: im gay but not out

  
hopesworld: top or bottom

  
taebby: pic plz

  
taebby: of ur face

  
minyoongi: top and

  
minyoongi: no why

  
taebby: because it’s important

  
nambam: DO IT

minyoongi: 

chimchimney: who’s that

  
minyoongi: its  me

  
chimchimney: no

  
chimchimney: it is NOT

  
minyoongi: yes it IS

  
chimchimney: well

  
chimchimney: it appears i must apologise

  
chimchimney: and remind you i love fisting

  
minyoongi: what

minyoongi: feel like somebody has laced my coffee with crack 

thesuccjin: sweetheart 

thesuccjin: you better get used to it 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally update and then i’m ready to go with another update it’s a mess 
> 
> this was me projecting for a whole chapter on how my own nights go
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	7. meow? meow.

taebby: how we feeling lads  
   
nambam: I feel like a cat has crawled into my body, shat and then died

  
thesuccjin: that’s so oddly specific

  
thesuccjin: like so oddly specific i don’t want to know why it’s specific ?

  
hopesworld: i just woke up with a pizza stapled to my tshirt

  
nambam: Stapled

  
hopesworld: with a stapler

  
thesuccjin: that’s pretty low-key for you

  
hopesworld: i literally don’t own a stapler

  
thesuccjin: better

  
chimchimney: does anybody know if the maknae is alive!!!

  
hopesworld: he a first year do you rlly think he’s conscious

  
taebby: he got a good tolerance tho

  
hopesworld: does HE b/c by the third shot he told me to refer to him only as oppa and i don’t personally have the right to kink shame anybody but even that had me screaming internally

  
chimchimney: he’s probably asleep shhhhhh guys

  
seagull: Im’m awake you fuckers

  
seagull: i joined this club for astrology why thenfuck do i feel like somebody has took that too far and booted me into the sun

  
nambam: Welcome to uni??????

  
minyoongi: i can’t believe I’m reading this

  
chimchimney: Wait

  
taebby: … scroll up

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

  
chimchimney: I

  
taebby: clam???

  
chimchimney: I can’t believe i’ve done this

  
taebby: for context are you quoting that vine or is it a genuine comment

  
chimchimney: genuine

  
taebby: is it the group chat

chimchimney: yep

  
taebby: well

  
Chimchimney: he’s fuckin hot

  
taebby: yes

  
chimchimney: but he’s a huge ass

  
chimchimney: and I’ve been so embarrassing

  
chimchimney: i don’t even like fisting ??

  
chimchimney: y would I want to be fisted

  
chimchimney: that’s the least likely thing I want

  
taebby: honestly i thought you knew who he was??????

  
taebby: you knew about his group and stuff

  
chimchimney: ive only ever heard about him

  
chimchimney: never SAW him

  
chimchimney: the university is big I’m small I don’t listen and I don’t care about them people enough

  
taebby: cruel

  
chimchimney: it’s a cruel world

  
taebby: im still confused how did you not know thats him even I knew it was him

  
taebby: And learning the semantics of the group who made my life HELL is pretty low on my list of priorities

  
chimchimney: WELL I THOUGHR HE WAS SOMEBODY ELSE

  
chimchimney: AND NOW IM GAY PANICKING

  
chimchimney: AND ALSO MORALLY PANICKING

  
chimchimney: LIKE i don’t agree with anything he does ever and the way his friends treated you makes me sick

  
chimchimney: so the inconvenience of spending time with him

  
chimchimney: after embarrassing myself

  
chimchimney: and HIM STILL BEING HOT

  
chimchimney: is a lot to process

  
taebby: honestly I’m not even bothered like

  
taebby: he seems nice???? quiet ?? shy??

  
chimchimney: he called us weird

  
taebby: yh and we do that too i legit live off that shit

  
taebby: don’t u think ur being

  
chimchimney: don’t say it

  
taebby: ur being a little

  
chimchimney: don’t

  
taebby: petty

  
chimchimney: i can and will block you

  
taebby: shut up you’ve bleached my ass before you can’t block me now

  
chimchimney: SHUT up I love u

  
taebby: i lov u more

  
chimchimney: what do I do

  
taebby: play it cool

  
taebby: whip out the whole that’s just me being drunk and silly card

  
chimchimney: but I was being drunk and silly

  
taebby: nd also honest, we leave the honesty aside

  
chimchimney: thas a mood

taebby: and i give FULL consent to a crush on him 

chimchimney: eat ass

taebby: ive been working on it

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

chimchimney: wow last night

  
chimchimney: i was so fkid up back then uhyhhuh

  
hopesworld: true you did try to wrestle a chair

  
seagull: cause you said it looked at you nasty

  
chimchimney: a mess, that’s just me drunk guys, weird as always

 

[ _hopesworld_ ] 

minyoongi: hey so sorry for like

  
minyoongi: barging into ur dms

  
hopesworld: you’re texting me yoongi not letting yourself into my house and fuckin my wife

  
minyoongi: ………right

  
minyoongi: ive got a couple of questions and honestly you seem

  
minyoongi: the most sane

  
minyoongi: and you don’t seem to hate me

  
hopesworld: honestly i’m a little offended you think i’m most sane

  
hopesworld: and nobody hates you

  
minyoongi: then why did that chimchim guy wanna fight me

  
hopesworld: chief

  
hopesworld: this is a story that isn’t my place to tell

  
minyoongi: is it because of my friends.

  
hopesworld: Christ on a bike

  
hopesworld: u r a clever little boy aren’t u

  
minyoongi: plZ don’t call me that

  
hopesworld: what’s the issue then

  
minyoongi: look ill be plainly honest with you

  
minyoongi: my place in this club is pretty fucking vital

  
hopesworld: explain

  
minyoongi: if i don’t stay im fucked

  
hopesworld: i don’t comprehendo friendo

  
minyoongi: well can i just explain

  
minyoongi: my friends do shit i don’t agree with

  
minyoongi: shit that hurts me

  
minyoongi: i can’t help that, i tried

  
minyoongi: was the one who told them to stop picking on taehyung

  
minyoongi: nd yes I know about it

  
minyoongi: assume you guys do too that’s why I was treated like voldemort’s ass crack

  
minyoongi: besides that

  
minyoongi: im not like them

  
minyoongi: just need the society on my records to not get kicked out

  
hopesworld: SOOOOo we’re being used

  
minyoongi: if that’s what’s going to help you sleep at night

  
minyoongi: then yes

  
hopesworld: but we’re not

  
minyoongi: okay but what i just said

  
hopesworld: nd I know we’re not

  
hopesworld: not to psychoanalytically flex on y’all

  
hopesworld: but this seems like a cry for help

  
minyoongi: what the fuck no it’s not

  
hopesworld: uhhhh quit the hard ass act with me pumpkin

  
hopesworld: your friends would make your life a living hell if they knew you’re gay

  
hopesworld: correct

  
minyoongi: i guess

  
hopesworld: admit it im right

  
hopesworld: but we can help you

  
hopesworld: ur clearly having some low level crisis here which is TOTALLY fine

  
hopesworld: like I have gay crisis all the time

  
hopesworld: when I die after living a fruitful life with 20 cats, my biography with be called the gay crisis

  
hopesworld: anyway back to the point

hopesworld: i can help, we all can

hopesworld: but you have to just promise you aren’t going to fuck us all around

  
hopesworld: and you have to be honest with us

  
minyoongi: no offence dude but do you really think somebody cares enough to plan something like this to fuck you guys over

  
hopesworld: the point taken

  
hopesworld: and also jimin

  
hopesworld: which is his name btw

  
hopesworld: does not hate you

  
hopesworld: did you not notice he also changed his mind from fighting you

  
minyoongi: yh but I just thought he was being weird

  
hopesworld: ah the naïve

  
hopesworld: you know who he is?

  
minyoongi: no

  
hopesworld: do you wanna?

  
minyoongi: No

  
hopesworld: Hmmm

  
hopesworld: this is jimin from one of our dance showcases 

hopesworld: 

hopesworld: Yoongi?

  
hopesworld: yoongi I can see you’ve read it and you keep retyping then deleting

  
hopesworld: but the silence says it all

  
hopesworld: rip yoongi

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

  
taebby: excuse me customer service desk to mr yoongi tsssskkkkk

  
taebby: customer service to mr yoongi

  
minyoongi: wot

  
taebby: u need a poppin nickname to hang with us

  
minyoongi: a popping nickname

  
taebby: a poppin nickname

  
thesuccjin: you can’t be seated in the group chat as your name when i’m literally named after my oral fixation

  
hopesworld: if we’re going off kinks i should really change mine

 

 _hopesworld_ changed their name to _daddyswhore_

 

nambam: Change that back right now

 

 _daddyswhore_ changed their name to _namswhore_

 

nambam: You’re this close to being kicked

 

 _namswhore_ changed their name to _hopesworld_

 

hopesworld: who put a stick up ur ass and named u president of the group chat  
  
nambam: The university

hopesworld: damn they’re really changing their approach

minyoongi: what shall i do

chimchimney: what about uhhh yoongo

thesuccjin: too vague

taebby: meowmeow

minyoongi: meowmeow??? Why

taebby: your selca you kinda looked like a kitten

minyoongi: are you serious

taebby: prove me wrong

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

taebby: thank me later bitch

  
chimchimney: choke

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

minyoongi: absolutely fkn not

 

 _minyoongi_ changed their name to _agustd_

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

taebby: nvrmnd

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

 

thesuccjin: a gust of d

thesuccjin: poetic and dick friendly

agustd: FUCK NO

agustd: it’s my soundcloud name man

taebby: r u a sound cloud rapper

agustd: i prefer producer

nambam: You make music?

agustd: yeah

nambam: Yeah! We should jam

hopesworld: namseokgi takeover

agustd: i mean

agustd: yeah cool

 

  
[ _agustd_ ]

hopesworld: ur already makin friends i am a proud mother

agustd: i will kick u

hopesworld: i feel as though that’s ur way of affection

hopesworld: i accept

agustd: why’s my life came to this

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im a slut for platonic yoonseok
> 
> ALSOcan i just say THANK U to alllll the love this has been given so far??? literally it’s amazing how good it makes me feel like i can honestly feel the serotonin screaming 
> 
> anyway i need sum sleep this is my third update today i hope ur all fed smooch
> 
>  
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	8. namjin rise

_[chimchimney]_

 

taebby: so………

 

taebby: that could of went worse

 

taebby: like yoongi didn't run out of the meeting screaming or anything

 

chimchimney: I KNOW riGHT

 

chimchimney: apart from the fact he rarely speaks

 

taebby: he seems close to hoseok!!!

 

taebby: well close ish

 

taebby: he’s really the only one he speaks to

 

chimchimney: honestly i didn’t think he even liked space but then i saw the way he looked when we talked about our favourite constellations and it was SO CUTE

 

chimchimney: my heart

 

taebby: legit my dick twitches for nerds

 

chimchimney: too far !!!!

 

taebby: WHAT that's why i think kookie is so cute

 

chimchimney: you guys seem to ,,, get along

 

taebby: we are just friendssss

 

chimchimney: when u gonna seduce him

 

taebby: not yet or ever

 

taebby: i wanna b friends at least first

 

taebby: even tho my nips itch whenever hes near

 

taebby: like sometimes i know he’s coming before he’s even there 

 

chimchimney: ???nice?????

 

chimchimney: but u r friends

 

chimchimney: u told him today that u had back sweat so bad u thought ur ass was swimming

 

taebby: i would honestly tell that to anyone

 

chimchimney: well yh true

 

 

_[The Gay Space Club]_

nambam: I'm free tonight and I miss you, wanna do something?

 

hopesworld: what

 

seagull: no thx

 

nambam: WOOPS that wasn't meant for this chat

 

taebby: 

 

nambam: Stop

 

chimchimney: 

nambam: WHere are these from

 

hopesworld: 

 

nambam: PLZ

 

seagull: 

 

nambam: omfg even the MAKNAE

 

agustd: 

 

nambam: Yoongi wtf not you too

 

agustd: just tryna fit in CHIEF

 

nambam: How did you even get that

 

agustd: I have my sources 

 

 

_[hopesworld]_

hopesworld: nice doing business with you

 

agustd: i will be back most definitely

 

 

_[The Gay Space Club]_

taebby: is nam daddy getting SUM

 

nambam: Absolutely not

 

nambam: We do not need to discuss this

 

 

_[taebby]_

taebby: what's funny is

 

taebby: the fact he thinks we don't kno

 

chimchimney: I feel bad

 

chimchimney: but tHeN it's kinda cute too

 

taebby: i wonder if jin is gonna say anything

 

taebby: let me meddle

 

 

_[The Gay Space Club]_

taebby: any thoughts @thesuccjin

 

thesuccjin: i am also free

 

taebby: …

 

chimchimney: ???

 

agustd: .?!.

 

seagull: dude

 

hopesworld: wait

 

hopesworld: jjsjsjdkfkfkekek

 

taebby: DID YOU JUST fKN

 

chimchimeney: if u all listen closely u can probably hear me screaming

 

agustd: hope u use protection

 

taebby: ahahshsjjshs

 

seagull: did u guys not work it out before

 

seagull: why are u shocked I worked it out from the start

 

taebby: OFC YES WE ALL KNEW that's the FUNNIEST part

 

nambam: Knew what.

 

chimchimney: hyungieeee don't hide it

 

hopesworld: we kno y’all fuckin fuckin

 

thesuccjin: i believe the correct term is DATING

 

 

_[thesuccjin]_

nambam: JIN

 

nambam: Are you sure about this

 

thesuccjin: babe we were going to tell them anyway

 

thesuccjin: if ur stupid fingers hadn't already did it

 

nambam: You LOVE my fingers don't even pretend

 

thesuccjin: DON’T MAKE THIS SEXY

 

thesuccjin: it's fine they're probably going to forget about it in two seconds

 

nambam: This just reinforces our roles as club parents even further

 

thesuccjin: isn't it great ??

 

 

_[The Gay Space Club]_

 

hopesworld: does this mean u can finally adopt me

 

thesuccjin: absolutely not you sweaty toe

 

thesuccjin: I have saw what ur life looks like there's no way you're going to infiltrate mine

 

thesuccjin: I would adopt kookie only and that's because he's cute and he cleans

 

seagull: you think I'm cute???

 

thesuccjin: well cutest of a bad bunch

 

chimchimney: wtf I'm cute

 

thesuccjin: you're scary when you’re angry and you wake up at 7am

 

thesuccjin: this is the only disqualifying factor

 

thesuccjin: like I look at you and I wanna squish u

 

thesuccjin: but also would I fuck adopt you

 

chimchimney: this isn't fair

 

agustd: that's the most disgusting thing I have ever heard

 

agustd: 7 IN THE MORNING

 

taebby: honestly yoongo boongo it's the worst thing ever

 

taebby: if u ever have a sleepover with Jimin you'll want to kill him

 

agustd: I'll keep that in mind

 

 

_[taebby]_

taebby: he

 

chimchimney: keep that in mind

 

chimchimney: KEEP that in MIND

 

chimchimney: oh i just done flooded my basement

 

 

_[The Gay Space Club]_

hopesworld: we should totally have a fkn sleepover

 

seagull: yes CAN WE GO CAMPING

 

agustd: ur scaring me

 

agustd: sleeping????? Outside???? Not in my bed???????

 

agustd: with u loud little shits

 

agustd: bugs

 

agustd: the coldness??? Do u want my dick to fall off

 

hopesworld: GOD no with all that action ur getting

 

agustd: fuck ur self?

 

thesuccjin: we can go camping if ur fine with me and namjoon sleeping together

 

thesuccjin: right next to u

 

taebby: on second thoughts

 

seagull: yeah

 

hopesworld: no sleepover is fine

 

chimchimney: absolutely who needs sleepovers

 

agustd: i didn’t even fkn want one anyway

 

thesuccjin: I'm joking guys we aren't going to whip out our dicks right next to u guys now we’re dating

 

hopesworld: I mean I wouldn't say no

 

chimchimney: HOSEOK

 

hopesworld: ,,,my bad

 

seagull: what so you guys don't actually circle jerk under the stars

 

agustd: what

 

taebby: I hope to fuck ing god ur joking

 

seagull: maybe

 

 

_[thesuccjin]_

thesuccjin: see they don't even care

 

nambam: I don't know what else I was expecting

 

thesuccjin: I am really free tho, movies and cuddles?

 

nambam: Movies and cuddles

 

thesuccjin: get over here now then

 

thesuccjin: “nam daddy”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> namjoon sweetie i’m so sorry i’m so sorry that a bitch like me would even do this to you oh my god
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	9. forgiveness is a dish served with crack

_hopesworld_ created the group _can somebody please kidnap me_

  
_hopesworld_ added _taebby, agustd, seagull, chimchimney_

 

  
hopesworld: fuck my life

 

taebby: oh hello there

 

chimchimney: what happen

 

agustd: another one ??

 

seagull: where’s hyungs

 

hopesworld: where are they???

 

hopesworld: oh I can tell u where they are

 

hopesworld: together

 

hopesworld: in the flat

 

taebby: omfg I always forget you and joon are flatmates

 

chimchimney: are they

 

chimchimney: doing the nasty

 

hopesworld: they’re playing sex jams what the fuck do u think

 

taebby: wish that were me

 

agustd: why does that mean they’re fucking

 

hopesworld: what because you listen to often by the weeknd on repeat recreationally

 

agustd: well sometimes yeah

 

hopesworld: ah I forget your sex life is as dried up as my bank account

 

hopesworld: you wouldn’t understand

 

agustd: can we stop making comments about my sex life please and thanks

 

seagull: yoongi, jimin does the same to me he always tells me I look like a sad unwatered plant

 

chimchimney: you do iMm looking out for you

 

chimchimney: im saying it nicely like you could always use a special friend

 

seagull: by telling people i’m essentially dry

 

chimchimney: am I wrong

 

seagull: are we talking about this or concentrating on hobi’s situation

 

hopesworld: thank u kind young plant

 

seagull: choke!

 

hopesworld: you have spent too much time around taehyung and jimin

 

taebby: hey why is that a bad thing

 

chimchimney: we are super duper nice (ง •̀_•́)ง

 

agustd: damn ur telling me i’m going to start talking like you guys soon

 

taebby: you do already you told me last meeting I look liked dried up dick cheese

 

agustd: this is just the way I am

 

taebby: what the duck does dick cheese even look like

 

agustd: idk google it It just came into my head

 

seagull: do not fucking do that and then put it in here

 

taebby: ohhh i won’t i’m not a sadist like hoseok

 

hopesworld: slightly rude but that’s fine

 

seagull: hobi do you want me to come smuggle you out

 

hopesworld: no it’s fine i’ve left now anyway but thanks for the offer off brand james bond

  
  
agustd: wait is this the first time they’ve like

 

agustd: been round the flat together

 

hopesworld: well it’s came to my attention that since recent events that no it’s absolutely not

 

hopesworld: i always found it weird that namjoon would clean the entire flat, play sex jams for a couple of hours and then the next day looking like he’d just had his dick sucked by a dyson

 

hopesworld: BUT I never questioned it

 

hopesworld: clearly I was foolish

 

agustd: how long have they kept it a secret

 

agustd: sorry like I haven’t been round long

 

hopesworld: idk define secret

 

hopesworld: we all knew it was a THING

 

hopesworld: for like at least 3 months

 

taebby: 3? I’ve knew for 4

 

chimchimney: oh I only realised a couple of months ago

 

taebby: yeah but romantic intentions could knock you on the ass and you’d be like huh??? what was that

 

taebby: you’re a little bit oblivious

 

taebby: when it comes to that

 

hopesworld: don’t i know it

 

chimchimney: huh

 

hopesworld: nothin

 

  
[ _agustd_ ]

 

agustd: whatever ur doing u can stop it

 

hopesworld: interesting that i’m not doing anything but the fact you messaged me says a LOT

 

agustd: you think I have a crush on jimin

 

hopesworld: ur putting words in my mouth

 

hopesworld: just like u wish it was jimin in urs

 

agustd: I’m not going to respond u childish dishrag

 

hopesworld: so it’s a yes

 

agustd: its a shut the fuck up or ill get my dog to piss on ur clothes

 

hopesworld: min holly loves me and you’re a coward

 

 

  
[ _can somebody please kidnap me_ ]

 

chimchimney: i could only be oblivious if somebody actually HAD crush on me

 

seagull: excuse me my friends in my major all think ur super hot

 

chimchimney: wtf I don’t even kno anybody in the year below bar you

 

seagull: well we had to film Your showcase

 

seagull: many confused heterosexual ppl

 

taebby: how do u know that

 

seagull: we have a group chat duh

 

taebby: TRAITOR

 

chimchimney: the betrayal

 

hopesworld: the deceit

 

taebby: alexa play fake love by bts

 

hopesworld: whom

 

chimchimney: uhh anyway

 

seagull: IM SORRYYY Y

 

agustd: honestly these are my first ever group chats

 

taebby: oh

 

chimchimney: what about your other friends

 

agustd: oh them

 

agustd: well

 

agustd: I don’t really like

 

agustd: gel with them??????? I guess

 

hopesworld: understandable

 

hopesworld: you’re very different to them

 

agustd: well shit you know what

 

agustd: id rather this be done when the others are here

 

agustd: but i honestly should apologise For the way my ‘ friends ‘ acted like I never encouraged or acted in it myself but I was still yknow

 

agustd: knowing of it

 

taebby: imma stop u right fkn there

 

taebby: sure it happened

 

taebby: sure it fucked me up , all of us up

 

taebby: But you’re so different

 

taebby: we all get it

 

hopesworld: yeah yoongi like i used to be friends with guys who thought calling things gay was a way to describe something that sucked

 

hopesworld: or thought bi people were greedy

 

hopesworld: its a shitty world

 

chimchimney: yeah hyung ! at first i was a bit wary honestly

 

chimchimney: BUT you’re super different and super nice

 

taebby: we get it angel cake

 

agustd: thanks guys

 

seagull: am I too late to say that even though ive been here literally a week less than you

 

seagull: i still think you’re a super cool person like really genuine

 

seagull: im glad you’re here

 

seagull: and if you don’t wanna be friends with them

 

seagull: you want to be you 

 

seagull: we can help

 

taebby: why am I crying in the club fuck

 

agustd: damn thank you kookie

 

agustd: BUT ALSO fuck u bitches making me soft

 

chimchimney: soft hours OPEN

 

hopesworld: Ngl im  glad we had this conversation

 

agustd: same but now  can we go back to doing what you normally do 

 

agustd: like idk whipping ur dicks out and talking about galactic bulges

 

taebby: FUCK

 

taebby: we’ve been missing out on SO many jokes with that one

 

taebby: and i fkn love galactic bulges 

 

hopesworld: initiation completed he’s a part of the crackheads

 

chimchimney: welcome welcome we got cookies

 

seagull: where the duck is my cookie

 

taebby: dude

 

taebby: ur nickname is literally kookie

 

seagull: oh fuck huh yeah

 

 

[ _taebby_ ]

 

hopesworld: that whole conversation has truly warmed my cockles

 

hopesworld: and also gave me an idea

 

taebby: well now i’m aroused concerned ND emotional

 

taebby: hit me with it

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beep bop beep bop boop i love u guys 
> 
> here's some crack with some plot progression with some feelings with some of my real life emotions goodnight sweetpeas
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	10. finger lickin gud

[ _agustd_ ]

hopesworld: you’re going on a date

agustd: am I?

hopesworld: indeed a blind date

hopesworld: ur sad come pity fuck me face whenever jimin walks in the room is starting to piss me off so much I feel almost sorry for you

agustd: I do NOT what the fuck

hopesworld: you literally do it looks like this  
  
hopesworld: (｡•́︿•̀｡)

agustd: i

agustd: who is it with

hopesworld: is your name jared or can you just not fucking read

hopesworld: it’s a BLIND date I CANT TELL U

agustd: ha

hopesworld: i’ve literally organised it all and booked the table

hopesworld: plZ say thank u

agustd: well does the other person know it’s me

hopesworld: no he doesn’t

agustd: a he is a good start  
  
hopesworld: fkn obviously

hopesworld: i wasn’t going to send you on a date with a girl when you’re the captain of the sad gay brigade

agustd: IM NOT SAD MY MOM CALLS IT BROODING

hopesworld: ……. i swear to god

hopesworld: oh and you’re paying

agustd: ????

hopesworld: youre hot as fuck and you have these wicked hands any person who swings that way would salivate over

hopesworld: But you’re slightly lacking in the personality game

hopesworld: so you’re paying

hopesworld: think of it as opening up sugar daddy possibilities if all else fails

agustd: what the fuck is wrong with my personality

hopesworld: that

agustd: also what do u mean about my hands

agustd: why would ppl “salivate”

agustd: hobi you fucker reply

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

hopesworld: hello general LGBT+ public of Seoul, South Korea

taebby: good day

chimchimney: (´• ω •`)ﾉ

nambam: Hey

thesuccjin: i have been called upon

seagull: yoooo

agustd: shit

hopesworld: unanimously

hopesworld: who here believes yoongi has hot as fuck hands

nambam: Is this a kink thing

hopesworld: no, market research

taebby: yes

taebby: they’re like if the grinches fingers weren’t fluffy

agustd: what

agustd: the

seagull: fuck

agustd: fuck

agustd: where is the compliment in that

taebby: they're l o n g

hopesworld: have you guys ever watched yoongi’s album reviews from like 2015

hopesworld: basically porn

taebby: OMFG NO

taebby: SEND IT NOOOWOF

agustd: you ducking dare 2015 me was a different person

hopesworld: https://youtu.be/d5liS0Ah_W8

hopesworld: i slipped

chimchimney: hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

seagull: FUCK HAHSHDHHJ

seagull: i see what u mean tae

seagull: dude teach me how to grow my fingers like that

nambam: That is not possible

taebby: immsorryicannjjit typeei cantseethru my teares

thesuccjin: honestly nobody is concentrating on that VOICE

agustd: fuck you ALL honestly

seagull: but srsly yeah they’re hot

hopesworld: see even the baby knows

seagull: im not a baby!!!!!

seagull: im literally bigger than u

hopesworld: okay muscles get off your aerobic high horse

nambam: I like your hands too

thesuccjin: theyre come fuck me hands aren’t they

thesuccjin: like if somebody beckoned me I’d be like yeah go on then

chimchimney: come fuck me hands ajsjfjc True

agustd: i haven’t even noticed

hopesworld: because ur a whAT

agustd: im not fkn saying it again

hopesworld: SAY IT

agustd: im a fkn idiot sandwich

taebby: essentially yoongi what we all mean is we look at ur hands and think we want them to probe our ass

thesuccjin: yeah what tae said

chimchimney: they also look like really good choking hands

chimchimney: not that i

chimchimney: thought

chimchimney: it’s a platonic observation

hopesworld: incheresting

 

  
[ _chimchimney_ ]

taebby: STOP  
taebby: TYPING

 

[ _agustd_ ]

hopesworld: yoongi are you alive  
hopesworld: do I need to call a doctor  
agustd: i don’t kno what hurts more rn  
agustd: my lungs or my dick

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

thesuccjin: so anyway

chimchimney: thank

nambam: Oh! I have the new topic for Thursday

taebby: oooh groovy

nambam: Aliens

seagull: oh fuck

chimchimney: oh tits yes

hopesworld: im instantly hard

thesuccjin: that’s…….

nambam: I have a PowerPoint and everything

chimchimney: ur such a cute little nerd joony

nambam: Why thank you

thesuccjin: get ur own man U turnip

chimchimney: if I wanted ur man i could have ur man

thesuccjin: we can only settle this one way

thesuccjin: an insult war

chimchimney: ur on bitch tits

thesuccjin: ok bloated goldfish

chimchimney: u look like shreks armpit hair

thesuccjin: u smell like shreks ass hair

chimchimney: at least i’m not so old now people mistake me for dumbledore

thesuccjin: was dumbledore ever korean you potato with eyes

chimchimney: no but he was old you out of date prune

thesuccjin: well you look you’ve just crawled out the womb

chimchimney: at least i don’t have so many wrinkles they’ve started paying rent

thesuccjin: WEASLE FACE

chimchimney: STUPID HEAD

thesuccjin: I give up

chimchimney: REALLY!!!!!!!

thesuccjin: well no im just going to be preoccupied now

taebby: he’s stopped insult wars to give nam a succ

taebby: ultimately the biggest burn

hopesworld: by theory you lose jimin

chimchimney: I NEVER lose

seagull: you just did tho

agustd: big points for shreks armpit hair tho

agustd: i laughed

hopesworld: you also laugh at the jokes on cheese string packets it’s really not a compliment

chimchimney: well thank u anyway yoongi

chimchimney: clearly me and u should stick together

chimchimney: away from these uneducated fools

agustd: they don’t get comedy like us

chimchimney: sad

agustd: pathetic  
  
thesuccjin: btw luv u jimin

chimchimney: wuv u more queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just,,, watch the video,,, im v sorry for any consequences


	11. the pythagoras dick rider

[ _taebby_ ]

seagull: hey tae

  
taebby: koooookie

  
taebby: how’s it going

  
taebby: how’s uni

  
taebby: how’s ur roommate

  
seagull: i’m good, coping

  
seagull: uni is meh but i attended my first physics minor lecture today and it was FUN

  
seagull: wish I’d did it from the start of uni

  
seagull: & my roommate still smells like hamster bedding and out of date tuna

  
seagull: when does the suffering end

  
taebby: never

  
taebby: we chose the student life and instantly signed our life away

  
taebby: adios social life, sleeping in and feeling secure

  
taebby: hello below average mental health and instant ramen

  
seagull: a mood

  
seagull: yknow I kinda had an idea actually

  
seagull: but u can totally shut me down

  
taebby: i’m ears eyes and all other appendages

  
seagull: we should actually have a sleepover

  
seagull: camping

  
seagull: like we suggested in the group chat ages ago

  
taebby: you think everybody would do it?

  
seagull: well no

  
seagull: I really do believe we’re friends with hermits

  
seagull: but like we could

  
seagull: u know if you wanted

  
taebby: OMG YEAH

  
taebby: that’s so nice of you to ask

  
taebby: two besties

  
taebby: chilling in the woods

  
taebby: no feet apart because we’re gay

  
seagull: WE COULD STARGAZE

  
taebby: that is so nsfw 

  
taebby: i’m blinded

  
seagull: AND LIKE

  
seagull: do that fkn thing with the sticks

  
taebby: oh?

  
taebby: satanic rituals?

  
taebby: didn’t kno u were into it honestly

  
seagull: no tae,, wtf

  
seagull: burning marshmallows

  
taebby: OHHH it makes more sense

  
taebby: when shall we GO

  
seagull: Saturday?

  
taebby: I have an ‘obligation’ which I can’t share yet on Saturday

  
seagull: Sunday?

  
taebby: yeah fuck uni on Monday let’s go CAMPING

  
seagull: wild

  
taebby: the straights are shaking

  
seagull: i’m going to get so many snacks

  
seagull: do you think we’ll be able to see the perseus constellation

  
taebby: we could try!!!

  
taebby: is it your favourite?

  
seagull: yh!!! closely followed by andromeda

  
taebby: omg

  
taebby: I sometimes forget ur a fkn nerd

  
taebby: when ur walking around looking like a snacccc

  
seagull: STOP

  
taebby: why are you blushing

  
taebby: did I make you BLUSH kookie

  
taebby: because I know I doOOooOO

  
seagull: you’re so MEAN i’m younger be nice

  
taebby: oh but usually ur all like

  
taebby: excuse me

  
taebby: i’m an ADULT

  
seagull: u either die a hero

  
seagull: or live long enough to see urself become the villain

 

seagull: also i don't blush so scratch that 

 

taebby: if u gonna lie at least do it with some confidence 

 

taebby: u little tomato man 

 

tabby: wait a fookin second

  
taebby: back track

  
taebby: do u own a tent

  
seagull: no? I thought u would

  
taebby: why on gods green pasture did u think I’d own a tent

  
seagull: idk ur into weird shit

  
taebby: i like classical art, space and playing overwatch

  
taebby: where in that does tent owning come under

 

seagull: well are we gonna buy a tent then

  
taebby: actually kookie i was thinking of using a bedsheet to cover my cold human skin outside

  
seagull: sometimes idk if ur being sarcastic or not it’s hard

  
taebby: yes we’re buying a tent

  
taebby: regardless of tent tho I want cuddles

  
taebby: or I’ll die of cold probably

  
seagull: cuddles permission granted

  
taebby: big spoon me up hercules

 

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

hopesworld: u know what

  
hopesworld: i’m just gonna say it

  
hopesworld: i’d totally fuck plato

  
nambam: Plato as in the Ancient Greek philosopher Plato 

  
hopesworld: yes

  
nambam: I’m listening

  
hopesworld: like dude i just saw some of the statues made for him

  
hopesworld: guys a whole ass daddy

  
thesuccjin: he looks like an angry jesus 

  
chimchimney: he has weird hair

  
hopesworld: you have weird hair

  
agustd: why are you defending a man who’s been dead since Ancient Greece

  
hopesworld: look i wouldn’t come into ur house and start disrespecting ur crushes would I

  
agustd: yeah because none of my crushes died in 300 BC

  
hopesworld: at least I’m open about my crushes

  
agustd: i have absolutely no idea what you mean

  
hopesworld: i can explain if u want

  
agustd: thats fine thx

  
nambam: Honestly on a purely admirable level I’d probably give Plato a handjob

  
nambam: Socrates can have a blowjob but Aristotle can fuck off

  
nambam: I don’t have time for that

  
taebby: why do I feel like i’ve just seen inside namjoon’s head

  
taebby: please close the door please

  
taebby: i’m very worried

 

chimchimney: honestly joon i always had you down as a Pythagoras dick rider

 

nambam: Oh I am he can have the whole buffet

 

thesuccjin: me: googles ancient greek philosopher lingerie

 

 _agustd_ has left the group

 _taebby_ has left the group

 _hopesworld_ has left the group

 _seagull_ has left the group

 _chimchimney_ has left the group

  
thesuccjin: finally

nambam: some peace and quiet

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heLLO this chapter is a quick one while i work on the ,,, blind date,,, chapter which has me sweating because it's genuine crack ajsjxjsjs
> 
> anyway enjoy this guys love u
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	12. a man, a homosexual, an icon

[ _hopesworld_ ]

taebby: hobiiii how much do i owe you

  
hopesworld: its free

  
hopesworld: they smell like hotdog water and feel like sand paper so it’s free

  
taebby: send me a photo one last time so I can laugh

  
hopesworld: 

  
taebby: IM SCREAMING

  
taebby: i can’t believe you think they’re going to work

  
hopesworld: They’re too in love to notice anyway

  
taebby: jsjsjdjcjc shut up

taebby: what time is their reservation for? 

hopesworld: 6pm 

hopesworld: AN HOUR

hopesworld: this is the worst thing we’ve done

  
taebby: Nd the best

  
hopesworld: and the best

  
taebby: FUCK it I'm making a group chat with the others

  
hopesworld: holy shit yes

  
hopesworld: im so excited

  
taebby: This is the story i’ll tell at their wedding

  
hopesworld: U rlly think Yoongi would invite us

  
taebby: oh he better

  
taebby: or ill crash the wedding eat their cake and seduce the vicar

  
hopesworld: oh yes im sure the vicar would give up christ for you

  
taebby: ??? nobody can resist the gender defying vision that is me

  
hopesworld: amen

 

 

 _taebby_ created the group _mission yoonmin_

 _taebby_ added _hopesworld, seagull, thesuccjin_ and _nambam_  

taebby: hello big booty bitches

  
taebby: ur gonna either love me or hate me

  
thesuccjin jesus fuck what have you done now

  
seagull: helloOoO

  
taebby: im tae

  
seagull: I got a basketball ball game tomoRRoOwow

  
taebby: binch lmfao 

  
hopesworld: get to the point im sweating

  
taebby: yoongi and jimin are going on a blind date

  
thesuccjin: u shits

  
nambam: I TOLD you to let them figure it OUT on their OWN 

  
hopesworld: which is a MOOD but it was getting irritating

  
hopesworld: have you fkn saw yoongi’s face around jimin

  
hopesworld: he spends the club meetings looking like he's about to shit out his lung

  
seagull: jimin told me once that whenever yoongi is around he gets heartburn 

  
seagull: it's cute

  
taebby: see

  
taebby: we’re helping ??

  
nambam: I feel like there is more to this

  
nambam: Or you wouldn't of made the chat

  
thesuccjin: this is sus my spidey senses

  
thesuccjin: JINgle

  
thesuccjin: somebody laugh anybody please

  
taebby: we’re going on the date too

  
taebby: they just don't know

  
taebby: show them the goods hobi

hopesworld: [ _disguise2847.img_ ] 

  
hopesworld: these are your finest disguises, shipped directly from amazon

hopesworld: they smell like ass and i might get a disease but

hopesworld: it's for love??

  
nambam: I’m going to ground you both

seagull: im choking

  
thesuccjin: PLEASE wash those you imbeciles

  
nambam: When’s the date

  
taebby: an hour

  
nambam: I'm so stressed about this

  
nambam: How did you get them to agree to this

  
hopesworld: yoongi is a thirsty binch 

  
taebby: jimin likes meeting new ppl anyway

  
thesuccjin: u know honestly this is genius

  
thesuccjin: on a low-key level don't tell namjoon

  
nambam: I'm right here

  
taebby: so do U want updates or not

  
nambam: Well duh I’m still me

  
nambam: Of course I want

  
seagull: the last time i was this excited i was 5 and peed myself

  
hopesworld: im going to say don't do that

 

  
[ _taebby_ ]

chimchimney: isn’t the place a little,,,,

  
chimchimney: expensive

  
taebby: ur date agreed to pay so

  
chimchimney: nice

  
chimchimney: worrying and nice

  
taebby: why worry

  
chimchimney: somebody who can afford this place is somebody out of my league

  
taebby: what we're not going to do is put ourselves down today

  
chimchimney: okay sorry fine

  
chimchimney: what should I wear tho

  
taebby: something that says hello im free im single i don't take shit from anybody

  
taebby: but something that also says ill suck ur dick behind a burger king kinda thing

  
chimchimney: marty im scared

  
chimchimney: so that's a yes to leather pants

  
taebby: obviously it's a yes to leather pants

  
taebby: send me a photo like a good friend 

  
chimchimney: 

taebby: jimin u 

taebby: u look like a satanic fkn angel 

  
taebby: oh JEBUS if we weren’t best friends

  
chimchimney: TAE

  
chimchimney: but also uwu ily 

chimchimney: now u promise me my date isn’t gonna hate me 

taebby: oh honey believe me 

taebby: i KNOW he isn’t 

taebby: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

chimchimney: when you use emoticons i get heartburn 

chimchimney: im very stressed 

 

  
[ _hopesworld_ ]

agustd: what do I wear man i‘m really stressed

  
hopesworld: okay calm

  
hopesworld: put down the black hoodie and jeans I know u have in your hands

  
hopesworld: do you own something other than that

  
agustd: fuck you don't read me when im vulnerable

  
hopesworld: honey you would love it if I did

  
agustd: this is it 

agustd: 

  
hopesworld: a man

  
hopesworld: a homosexual

  
hopesworld: an icon?

hopesworld: i mean it’s STILL a hooded black item but damn 

hopesworld: ma boys a fkn hottie 

  
agustd: this has not calmed me

  
hopesworld: drink some water

  
hopesworld: calm it

  
hopesworld: have you ever been on a date before??

  
agustd: NO WTF WHY AM I DOING THIS

  
hopesworld: OKAY DIDN’T WANNA ASSUME

  
hopesworld: play it cool be you

  
agustd: I dont even like me how does this work

  
hopesworld: well I do uwu

  
agustd: uhHuh why are we friends

  
hopesworld: because of our combined love for the universe, hip hop and first person video games

  
hopesworld: also as a recommendation maybe don't fuck on the first date

  
agustd: why im not a virgin

  
hopesworld: ?? you astound me honestly

  
hopesworld: if it happens it happens just be safe

  
agustd: okay thanks mom

  
hopesworld: anything for you my daughter

  
agustd: im leaving now

  
hopesworld: don't do anything I wouldn't do

  
agustd: so that's nothing?

  
hopesworld: 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i was gonna upload the whole date including this but then it was at like 3000 words and i got stressed and felt like it needed the GAP 
> 
> hence the shortness 
> 
> hope it’s still ENJOYABLE tho 
> 
>  
> 
> P.S: SOMEBODY SAID THE AIRPLANE PT.2 MV IS OUT TOMORROW IF THIS IS TRUE I WILL EAT MY WIG
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	13. mission yoonmin

[ _mission yoonmin_ ]

taebby: we need nicknames for this mission

  
seagull: but won't they notice

  
hopesworld: not till after

  
hopesworld: if u want to be a spy u have to go all in

  
seagull: well I’ll stay as seagull

 

 _taebby_ changed their name to _wildcat_

 

wildcat: done

  
nambam: Guys no come on

  
wildcat: do it

  
nambam: NO

  
wildcat: do IT

  
nambam: NO

 

 _hopesworld_ changed their name to _hobbit_

 

wildcat: i like it

  
hobbit: Seokjin? Namjoon?

 

 _thesuccjin_ changed their name to _jingle_

 

jingle: agent jingle sir yes sir

  
wildcat: original i like it

  
nambam: do I have to

  
wildcat: I’ll do it for you do u prefer that

  
nambam: FUCK no

 

 _nambam_ changed their name to _dolphin_

 

wildcat: cute it suits u

  
hobbit: now here's the plan guys

  
wildcat: told in short form by me and hoseok hyung

  
hobbit: enter the spy music

  
wildcat: In 10 minutes time Yoongi and Jimin will enter the restaurant

  
hobbit: me and Tae will arrive 15 minutes later in disguise

  
wildcat: and watch the situation

  
hobbit: and be ready to intervene if we need to

  
wildcat: any further assistance and additions from you guys is encouraged

  
hobbit: did you copy that

  
seagull: copy that over

  
wildcat: I like the effort agent seagull

  
jingle: honestly they are going to be so pissed when they found out

  
wildcat: when? ? they ? find out?

  
hobbit: who said they will

  
dolphin: You're in fake moustaches and glasses

  
dolphin: in a fancy restaurant

  
dolphin: Of course they're going to notice

  
dolphin: Or you'll be at least kicked out

  
hobbit: do you have any hope in us u pessimistic stick of sausage

  
dolphin: No?

  
wildcat: Jimin and Yoongi have the eyesight of 92 year old grandmas

  
wildcat: it's honestly going to go f i n e

  
seagull: where's the restaurant i can be your getaway driver

  
hobbit: but,,, you don't drive

  
seagull: i have a pedal bike?

  
hobbit: I

  
wildcat: that's fine agent seagull

  
wildcat: but keep an eye out

  
seagull: roger

  
hobbit: see guys kookie gets it

  
wildcat: seagull *

  
hobbit: WOOPS shit sorry

  
wildcat: jimin just text me

  
wildcat: target has left for the location

  
wildcat: I repeat

  
wildcat: TARGET HAS LEFT FOR THE LOCATION

  
hobbit: holy fuck okay here we go

  
hobbit: everybody stay calm

  
hobbit: ITS FUCKN HAPPENING

  
wildcat: IM GONNA YEET MYSELF ALL THE WAY INTO HELL

 

  
[ _chimchimney_ ]

  
chimchimney: so im here and the waiter showed me over to the table

  
chimchimney: date’s not here yet

  
chimchimney: i mean i am 10 minutes early

  
chimchimney: but i was super nervous

  
chimchimney: i feel SICK

  
wildcat: Itsscs finnene jjjimiinn

  
chimchimney: Tae u ok

  
wildcat: Yeyeyss jjjustrunnnung

  
chimchimney: ur running?

  
chimchimney: U never run

  
chimchimney: the only time u run is when the ice cream store near uni gives out free samples

  
wildcat: Gootttatoooogoo

chimchimney: uhhh ok

chimchimney: Wait why is ur name different

wildcat: Illllexplaaaiiiijjjjlateretetrrrrr

 

[ _agustd_ ]

  
agustd: i almost couldn't find your contact name

  
agustd: why you change it?

  
hobbit: CANT TALK

  
hobbit: RUNNING

  
agustd: oh okay

  
agustd: well im outside and going in

  
agustd: wish me luck x

 

hobbit: GOOD LUCK ILY

 

[ _mission yoonmin_ ]

  
wildcat: THEY ARE THERE HOMOSEXUALS

  
seagull: backup stationed and prepared for assistance

 

  
[ _agustd_ ]

 

agustd: Hobi.

  
agustd: why the fuck is Park Jimin my blind date.

  
hobbit: SuRPrise??????

  
agustd: you're dead.

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

 

chimchimney: you have exactly

  
chimchimney: three seconds

  
chimchimney: To explain

  
chimchimney: What is going on

  
wildcat: chim  it’s rude to be on your phone on a date

  
chimchimney: a date WITH FRICKIN YOONGI

  
chimchimney: A BLIND DATE WITH YOONGI

  
wildcat: get off ur phone

  
chimchimney: IM GONNA SHIT

 

 

[ _mission yoonmin]_

wildcat: screenshot134.img

  
hobbit: screenshot281.img

  
wildcat: targets together

  
hobbit: the reaction was better than expected

  
seagull: holeee shit u guys are in for it

  
hobbit: youre apart of it now

  
hobbit: we’re all guilty

  
dolphin: Technically I was dragged into this

  
wildcat: but have u left yet

  
dolphin: Sorry you’re right

  
jingle: how far away are you guys I want the details

  
dolphin: JIN

  
jingle: what!!!!!!! this is literally keeping me alive rn

  
dolphin: Uh fine same

  
hobbit: we’re just outside now

  
hobbit: the disguises are on

  
wildcat: iccsnr seer

  
seagull: I think that was supposed to say they can’t see???

  
jingle: yeah me too

  
dolphin: Jesus Christ

 

 

  
wildcat: We’re in

  
hobbit: Targets are located in the far corner of the restaurant

  
wildcat: We have a clear view of them, over

  
seagull: Roger that, how are the targets

  
hobbit: seem okay

  
hobbit: nobody is angry

  
wildcat: they just being

  
wildcat: Awkward

  
hobbit: its cute

  
jingle: EEEEEEE

  
jingle: it's like watching ur baby birds learning to fly

  
hobbit: yoongi keeps doing that thing

  
seagull: what thing

  
hobbit: u know

  
hobbit: The Thing

  
hobbit: when he gets nervous and he scratches behind his ear

  
dolphin: How much time do u spend with Yoongi, Hoseok hyung

  
hobbit: Not enough???

  
wildcat: FUCK

  
wildcat: ABORT

  
wildcat: ABORT

  
seagull: Guys!!!!!!!

  
seagull: Fuck they haven’t text back

  
jingle: my fkn gawd they fkn ded

  
dolphin: you think they got caught

  
jingle: OH we are all screwed

  
seagull: yoongi’s gonna rip out our balls and make them into Christmas tree decorations

  
jingle: shotgun mine being the star on top

  
wildcat: NO WE DIDN’T GET CAUGHT

  
seagull: URBACK

  
hobbit: we fkn forgot

  
wildcat: That we would have to order something

  
hobbit: TAE PANICKED AND ORDERED A LOBSTER

  
wildcat: im literally vegetarian????

  
hobbit: AND im fucking POOR you wank sock

  
dolphin: Did the waiter say anything about

  
dolphin: You know, the fake moustache

  
hobbit: No??? He just

  
wildcat: Looked at us weird

  
seagull: any news

  
wildcat: They’re lauGHING

  
wildcat: Jimin’s doing the

  
wildcat: Cute yet sexy vibe

  
wildcat: Like

  
wildcat: u know what I mean

  
jingle: thottius park has entered the chat

  
hobbit: yoongi’s sole has left

  
seagull: his sole? as in shoe?

  
hobbit: fuck u i meant soul u infant

  
wildcat: JIMIN JUST GOT UO TO YSE THE BATHROOM

  
hobbit: SOHave HAD TO HIDEUNDER THE TABLEL

  
dolphin: You are so going to get kicked out

  
jingle: if u do can u at least bring ur lobster

  
wildcat: yeah I’m letting him back into the ocean !!

  
seagull: Tae

  
seagull: I mean agent wildcat

  
seagull: Don’t you think the lobster might be u know

  
seagull: Dead

  
wildcat: What do u mean ??

  
wildcat: OH SHIT WAIT

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

chimchimney: regardless of the fact i want to kick you in the face

  
chimchimney: i need to SCREAM

  
wildcat: I’m here

  
chimchimney: it's going so well

  
chimchimney: like

  
chimchimney: jesus

chimchimney: he's so ATTRACTIVE and sweet

  
chimchimney: he told me I looked pretty

  
chimchimney: but he stuttered a little???

  
chimchimney: like r u sure I’m not seeing another Yoongi

  
chimchimney: because he BLUSHED TOO

  
chimchimney: I'm soft as fuck

  
chimchimney: idk if I wanna be railed anymore

  
chimchimney: I wanna like hold his hand???? And call him my honey pie angel cake

  
wildcat: jimin

  
chimchimney: yeah

  
wildcat: get back in there to get ur mans

  
wildcat: ur doing amazing sweetie

  
wildcat: be you

  
wildcat: you're perfect

  
wildcat: ily

  
chimchimney: ILY2 THANK 

 

  
[ _agustd_ ]

agustd: here's the thing

  
agustd: although this was initially the worst idea you've ever had

  
hobbit: worse than when i decided to stay up for 36 hours to see what would happen and started hallucinating the cast of finding nemo 

  
agustd: I

  
agustd: you know maybe it was never the worst idea

  
agustd: you fkn mouldy bread

  
hobbit: hi it's my job to make up obscure insults thx ??

  
agustd: choketh

hobbit: how's it going

  
agustd: oh man hobi he's just went to the bathroom so he's probably coming back soon

  
agustd: but I will say one thing

  
agustd: I'm completed fucked man

  
hobbit: do u hear that

  
agustd: hear what

  
hobbit: in the distance???

  
hobbit: it's me dressed as a cowboy

  
hobbit: cracking a whip

  
agustd: 911 i want to report a murder that i’m going to commit later today

 

[ _mission yoonmin_ ]

  
wildcat: Okay dm he’s back

  
wildcat: He

  
hobbit: His

  
wildcat: Hair

  
wildcat: It’s pushed back

  
hobbit: He’s

  
hobbit: He’s released

  
hobbit:

  
wildcat: the forehead

  
jingle: Oh my tits

  
hobbit: he's really gone and done it

  
hobbit: He’s made yoongi fall in love

  
seagull: seokjin hyung you owe me

  
jingle: THE BETS OFF, FOULPLAY

dolphin: Jin you were betting on this????

jingle: LISTEN KIM NAMJOON

jingle: these are my babies

jingle: and I am invested

  
hobbit: yoongi choked on his water

  
wildcat: now jimin doesn't know what to do

  
hobbit: they’re just staring at each other

  
seagull: wtf why are they so awkward

  
wildcat: its true love

  
jingle: which slow burn AU is this from

  
seagull: …….weird

  
hobbit: its fine they’re laughing now

  
hobbit: their food came too

  
wildcat: oh balls so did ours

  
wildcat: hoseok 

  
wildcat: Why is their two

  
hobbit: They must of thought

  
hobbit: Oh my god we have to PAY FOR TWO OF THESE NOW

  
hobbit: I HAVE NO FKN MONEY

  
hobbit: THERES A MOTH LIVING IN MY PURSE WHO EARNS MORE THAN ME

  
wildcat: Jesus fuck

  
dolphin: I have no sympathy

  
wildcat: i'm getting a sugar daddy

  
seagull: What ????

  
wildcat: You don't know what a sugar daddy is ?

  
wildcat: Awww KOOKIE

  
seagull: No I

  
seagull: nevermind

  
jingle: are you guys just sat on your phones in this restaurant btw

  
hobbit: Yeah???

  
seagull: Lmfao okay

  
hobbit: gUYSY

  
wildcat: SOS

 

  
seagull: it's been 5 minutes

  
seagull: what the fuck happened

  
jingle: Why am I imagining they've been caught and Yoongi has shoved the lobsters up their ass

  
dolphin: Babe have you had enough sleep

  
jingle: Maybe??????

  
seagull: they’ll be FINE

 

wildcat: REQUESTING BACKUP

  
wildcat: I REPEAT

  
wildcat: REQUESTING BACKUP

  
wildcat: WE GOT KICKED OUT

  
wildcat: BECAUSE HOBI

  
wildcat: FKN STOOD UP

  
wildcat: TO GO TO THE BATHROOM

  
wildcat: AND THE DISGUISE SLIPPED

  
wildcat: I PANICKED

  
wildcat: AND THEN RAN OVER

  
wildcat: KNOCKED OVER A VASE

  
jingle: KDJJDJSJSMJDJDJJJJ

  
jingle: BYE

  
dolphin: Am I allowed to say I told you so?

  
wildcat: HOBI GRABBED THE FUCKIN LOBSTER AND RAN

  
wildcat: IM STOOD OUTSIDE NOW WITH A LOBSTER IN MY BAG

  
hobbit: We paid for the fucking lobster first though we’re not criminals

  
hobbit: So now we're outside

  
wildcat: The targets watched us leave but they didn't seem to notice it was us????

  
hobbit: Like damn bitch u blind like that

  
wildcat: Agent seagull do you read me

  
seagull: Received agent wildcat

  
wildcat: I need you to keep an eye out from ur apartment window for if they walk past

  
seagull: Roger that wildcat

  
hobbit: Idk if we can just ,, hang around after getting kicked out

  
hobbit: Looking like scoundrels 

  
wildcat: Stinking of seafood

  
wildcat: With huge ass lobsters in our bags

  
hobbit: so agent seagull

  
hobbit: It's all on you now

  
seagull: Oh jeez man

  
seagull: I'm nervous

  
seagull: This is a lot u know

  
seagull: What if I fuck up

  
jingle: Ur watching them from a window

  
jingle: not stealing the mona fkn Lisa

  
seagull: point taken

  
dolphin: I bet we've missed so many juicy details

  
dolphin: Idiots

  
wildcat: YOU DIDN’T EVEN WANNA KNOW 45 MINUTES AGO

  
dolphin: Times can change...

  
jingle: u know it would of been better if u dressed as waiters

  
hobbit: shit why didn't we think of that

  
dolphin: Jin

  
dolphin: Honey

  
dolphin: Sweetheart

  
dolphin: Don't encourage them please

  
wildcat: Next time we’re gonna do that

  
dolphin: NEXT TIME

  
dolphin: NEXT TIME?????

  
dolphin: Let the children BREATHE

 

 

jingle: it's been an hour WHERE ARE THEY

  
wildcat: wild bathroom sex

  
hobbit: they're both too classy for that

  
hobbit: i bet they've both got out their diaries and comparing notes on what they wrote on each other

  
hobbit: day 34

  
hobbit: Jimin wore a white shirt today

  
hobbit: suddenly whenever I see white shirts I get hard

  
hobbit: sincerely lil meow meow

  
seagull: LOOK NO FURTHER SLUTS

  
seagull: THEYRE WALKIKG PAST MY APARTMENT

  
wildcat: ARE THEY HOLDING HANDS

  
seagull: no just WALKING

  
seagull: well they're gone now

  
seagull: Namjoon hyung

  
dolphin: Absolutely not

  
seagull: but you live in Yoongi's flat block and you live so close to Jimin

  
wildcat: look at agent seagull he's my proudest baby boy

  
seagull: thansksks taehyuNhghn

  
jingle: joonie just go for a little stroll

  
jingle: have a spy

  
dolphin: What do I get out of it

  
jingle: u know exactly what u get out of it

  
dolphin: I’M DOING IT BRB

 

dolphin: Okay I can see them

  
dolphin: God I look so sketchy like wtf

  
dolphin: I knew it Yoongi is walking Jimin to his door

  
jingle: THIS IS SOFTNESS

  
wildcat: adorable but who said they're walking to the door

  
wildcat: they might go

  
wildcat: inside the door

  
dolphin: Considering the fact they're just stood outside the door I'm gonna say no to that

  
dolphin: They hugged!!!

  
jingle: that's

  
jingle: that's it

  
jingle: no goodbye kiss??? No smooching???? at the very least a butt grab???????

  
wildcat: are you telling me

  
wildcat: i wore an itchy fleabag disguise

  
wildcat: made an idiot out of myself

  
wildcat: have been stressed and internally screaming

  
wildcat: WITH A FUCKING CRUSTACEAN IN MY BAG

  
wildcat: for a hug  
dolphin: Yeah

  
seagull: guys they're just taking it slowwwww it's fine 

  
hobbit: at least they didn't kill each other????

  
wildcat: im soft but im also moody

  
jingle: cheer up buttercup

 

[ _agustd_ ]

agustd: hobi 

  
hobbit: fuck r you mad at me

  
agustd: No

  
agustd: hobi 

  
hobbit: …….Yeah

  
agustd: I think I like Park Jimin

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

chimchimney: Omg Tae

  
wildcat: Thank me later

  
chimchimney: No Tae

  
chimchimney: Seriously

  
chimchimney: Tae

  
chimchimney: I think I like Min Yoongi

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag yourself i'm the lobster in tae's bag
> 
> p.s: scream with me in the comments about the airplane pt.2 mv (as mentioned in previous chapter i have since ate my wig) and also the MGA’s asjdjc  
>  
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	14. is that your phone vibrating (or are you just happy to see me)

[ _the gay space club_ ]

chimchimney: why will NOBODY tell me why you all changed your nicknames

  
chimchimney: i’m getting stressed

  
seagull: I didn’t

  
chimchimney: everybody else did !!!

  
agustd: idiots

  
chimchimney: are we the only sane ones here

  
agustd: oh definitely

  
chimchimney: (o･ω･o)

 

 

[ _mission yoonmin_ ]

hobbit: i regret everything

  
jingle: mood

  
hobbit: they’re so awkward it’s like seeing your parents kiss

  
wildcat: I can’t believe I did all of this

  
wildcat: they’re just there being stupid shy idiots

  
wildcat: and being stupid mushy idiots too

  
dolphin: Its giving me a headache and the only things that give me headaches are existential crises about the existence of the universe and math

  
dolphin: Not other peoples OBVIOUS FEELINGS

  
seagull: guys they’re kinda cute

  
seagull: you wouldn’t expect them to be awkward

  
seagull: like jimin’s one of the hottest guys I know

  
seagull: and well yoongi came from the stupid bullies

  
wildcat: oh did you hear about that btw

  
jingle: ?

  
wildcat: his friends tried to talk to him and he told them to fuck off apparently

 

wildcat: heard from somebody in my lecture

  
dolphin: Well should we mention it?

  
wildcat: it’s not really our place tho

  
wildcat: but i’d be SO happy to have him here instead all the time !!!!!

  
hobbit: he didn’t tell me about it

  
seagull: it’s not that big hyungie!!!!

  
seagull: just letting go of those asses

  
hobbit: i geese

  
wildcat: anyway i’m about to go into this chat and do some shit before they melt my brain and give me indigestion

  
wildcat: excuse me

 

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

 

 _wildcat_ changed their name to _taebby_

 

taebby: are we happy now

  
chimchimney: it still doesn’t EXPLAIN anything

  
taebby: we just did it for some fun while you two were

  
taebby: ,,, busy

  
chimchimney: busy??? Busy when

  
chimchimney: I’ve never been busy

  
chimchimney: ever

  
chimchimney: what

  
agustd: jimin they obviously know

  
jingle: know what yoongi 

 

 _jingle_ changed their name to _thesuccjin_

 

agustd: that

  
agustd: jimin was helping me with my homework?????

  
chimchimney: yes

  
chimchimney: homework

  
Thesuccjin: even though he’s in the year below u

 

 _hobbit_ changed their name to _hopesworld_

 

hopesworld: that sounds rather

  
seagull: suspicious don’t you think

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

chimchimney: YOU FOOL

  
agustd: i’m SORRY

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

chimchimney: it was help with

  
agustd: ah

  
chimchimney: maths

  
agustd: dance

  
chimchimney: DANCE MATH

  
chimchimney: i’m teaching yoongi to

  
agustd: twerk in perfect angles

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

chimchimney: YOONGI  
agustd: I PANICKED

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

taebby: this all sounds very

  
seagull: suspicious

  
dolphin: Are you guys SURE you aren’t hiding anything

 

 _dolphin_ changed their name to _nambam_

 

chimchimney: nothing ?? what’s to hide???

 

[ _taebby_ ]

taebby: i am confused

  
taebby: why are you hiding it

  
chimchimney: because believe it or not we don’t want anybody to know

  
taebby: that u went on a blind date

  
taebby: that might i add neither of you have spoke directly about since

  
chimchimney: it’s literally been 12 hours

  
taebby: ur getting slow on me the jimin i know would be in there like swimwear

  
chimchimney: SHUT UP

  
taebby: u rlly are in luvvvv

  
chimchimney: it's either gonna be me dying or you right now so choose ur words wisely

 

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

agustd: yeah

  
agustd: we got nothing to hide

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

agustd: do we tho

  
chimchimney: idk i don’t know how the others will react

  
chimchimney: they’ll probably think we’re like

  
chimchimney: dating or something

  
agustd: are we not?

 

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

chimchimney: HTAE

  
chimchimney: HE

  
chimchimney: screenshot418.img

  
chimchimney: I

  
chimchimney: GOODBYE MY EXISTENCE

  
taebby: YES the lil idiot finally grew balls

 

 

[ _agustd_ ]

agustd: I fucked Up

  
agustd: man I fucked up

  
agustd: I’m cutting all my hair off and moving to Bosnia

  
hopesworld: you wait you what

  
agustd: screenshot193.img

  
agustd: end my suffering

  
hopesworld: OH

  
hopesworld: MY

  
hopesworld: GOD

 

 

[ _taebby_ ]

taebby: right lets be rational and calm

  
chimchimney: rational and calm okay

  
taebby: what we aren’t gonna do is freak out

  
chimchimney: what we aren’t gonna do is freak out

 

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]  
chimchimney: SORRY CAN YOU JUST REPEAT THAT

  
agustd: its

  
agustd: it’s a chat?

  
agustd: just scroll up

  
chimchimney: RIGHT

 

 

[ _taebby_ ]

chimchimney: screenshot419.img

  
chimchimney: WHY AM I LIKE THIS

  
taebby: for the love of rihanna

  
taebby: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

  
chimchimney: i panicked

  
taebby: i said we weren’t gonna freak out

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

Thesuccjin: where’s everybody gone

  
agustd: uh

  
hopesworld: fkfjsjsjjfjjcjcj

taebby: whcjcjchsjw

  
chimchimney: NOWHERE

  
chimchimney: EVERYTHING IS FINE

  
seagull: did u guys like

  
seagull: eat some weird food or something

  
nambam: No we are just friends with imbeciles

 

[ _hopesworld_ ]

hopesworld: right okay he’ll reply soon

  
agustd: are you shitting sure because he just told me to repeat a text

  
hopesworld: omg he’s probably flustered my poor mochi

  
agustd: poor MOCHI

  
agustd: the little shit is making me SUFFER

  
agustd: with his stupid fucking mouth and his cuteness and his face and his body and oh my god i’m gonna go throw myself down some stairs

  
hopesworld: if I knew u were gonna be this melodramatic when I first met u I wouldn’t have befriended u 

  
agustd: I am having a CRISIS

  
hopesworld: the Gay

  
agustd: the Gay

  
hopesworld: my favourite

 

[ _taebby_ ]

  
taebby: okay

  
taebby: breathe

  
chimchimney: how do I do this

  
taebby: literally just say yes

  
chimchimney: RIGHT

  
taebby: wait jimin

 

  
[ _chimchimney_ ]

chimchimney: YES

  
agustd: wait what

  
chimchimney: uhhh

  
chimchimney: i mean like i wouldn’t mind

  
chimchimney: i wouldn’t say no

  
agustd: you’ve lost me

  
chimchimney: to u know

  
agustd: oh

  
agustd: OH

  
agustd: oh jeez yeah I mean

  
agustd: that sounds cool

  
chimchimney: yeah haHA

chimchimney: lets go on dates and stuff

  
agustd: together

  
chimchimney: together

  
chimchimney: on dates

  
agustd: you’ll have to give me a couple of minutes to

  
agustd: prepare myself

  
chimchimney: wait what

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

  
chimchimney: I told him I wanted to go on dates with him and now I think he’s sending me a dick pic

  
chimchimney: IS THIS HOW HE DOES THINGS??????

  
taebby: jimin how the holy shit have you managed to jump from fucking around to getting a picture of his dick

taebby: i am impressed 

  
chimchimney: screenshot420.img

  
taebby: I mean

  
taebby: wow

  
taebby: get me one of those damn

 

 

[ _agustd_ ]

agustd: Jimin

  
chimchimney: yeah

  
agustd: shit it’s really hard

  
chimchimney: really hard right ok

  
chimchimney: oh boy I haven’t done this in a long time

  
chimchimney: want me to do something about it

 

chimchimney: angel

  
agustd: I mean

  
agustd: well yeah

  
agustd: if you wanna do it for me I wouldn’t say no

  
agustd: But no fuck i wanna do this myself

  
chimchimney: you sure baby boy

  
agustd: I’m sorry

  
agustd: did you just

 

 

[ _agustd_ ]

  
agustd: hoseok 

  
hopesworld: what now

  
agustd: he just called me baby boy

  
agustd: i think i just entered the astral plane of existence

agustd: I can’t feel my hands

  
agustd: or my legs

  
agustd: is that u Jesus??

  
hopesworld: i regret everything in my life till this point

  
hopesworld: wait how the shit did you get onto him calling you that

  
agustd: hoseok I don’t know man but

  
agustd: I think I’m broken

  
agustd: I’m not even in my apartment man

  
agustd: I’m in the studio

  
agustd: WITH A RAGING BONER

  
hopesworld: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

 

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

  
chimchimney: did I just what

  
agustd: nothing

  
agustd: okay here goes

  
agustd: it’s not HAPPENING

  
chimchimney: shit sorry I can try harder

  
chimchimney: it’s just I haven’t sexted in SO long and I’m like kinda rusty

  
agustd: wait

  
agustd: why are you talking about SEXTING

  
chimchimney: wasn’t that

  
chimchimney: what we were just

  
chimchimney: doing

  
agustd: NO????

  
agustd: I was trying to ask you on a date

  
chimchimney: but

  
chimchimney: fuck

  
chimchimney: im about to delete myself from the universe

  
chimchimney: goodbye

  
agustd: jimin WAIT HAHAHAHA

  
agustd: man I am crying

  
chimchimney: STOP LAUGHING

  
chimchimney: im so embarrassed

  
chimchimney: im SO RED

  
chimchimney: oh my god i wanna cry

  
agustd: Hey noooo

  
agustd: I bet you look cute

  
chimchimney: OH

  
agustd: okay that was

  
agustd: wow

  
agustd: that’s kinda made me feel better

  
chimchimney: honestly i am an idiot

  
agustd: jimin

  
agustd: be quiet for two seconds

  
agustd: will you go on a date with me

  
chimchimney: yeah

  
chimchimney: of course I will

  
agustd: THANK GOD

  
chimchimney: that was just

  
agustd: wow

  
chimchimney: we’re such idiots

  
agustd: our friends aren't the idiots anymore

  
agustd: wow

  
agustd: i mean you did make me hard

  
chimchimney: I DID WHAT

  
agustd: would you look at the fucking time

  
agustd: GTG SPEAK LATER

  
chimchimney: uhhhhh okay

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

  
chimchimney: so I was wrong

  
chimchimney: and I sexted him

  
chimchimney: and

  
chimchimney: he asked me on a date when i thought he was sending me his dick and i called him baby boy 

  
taebby: i just choked on nothing

  
taebby: MY LUNGS

  
chimchimney: STOP IT IM SO VULNERABLE RN

  
taebby: you know it's cute in ur own awkward weirdo way

  
taebby: like the fkn nerds u are

  
taebby: but as much as I would like to spend my time chatting about the fact you probably thought about Min Yoongi’s penis in the last 10 minutes

  
taebby: I need to leave to go camping with kookie

  
chimchimney: oh that's TODAY

  
chimchimney: don't die

  
chimchimney: be safe

  
chimchimney: if u know what I mean

  
taebby: don't send any accidental nudes while I'm gone

  
chimchimney: choke

  
taebby: love u

  
chimchimney: luv u more

  

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

 

seagull: hey guys 

seagull: taehyung just brought a dead lobster with him camping wtf do i do 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what on this earth possessed me to write this chapter. honestly .
> 
> & also jimin calling yoongi baby boy, the thot in me screamed sorry
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	15. sad hours partially open

[ _hopesworld_ ]

hopesworld: so I hear

  
hopesworld: from a very small annoying angry blonde bird

  
hopesworld: that you're going on a date

  
hopesworld: with Min Yoongi

  
chimchimney: is your angry bird said date

  
hopesworld: he could be

  
chimchimney: what did he SAY??????

  
hopesworld: uhhh that he wants you guys to make babies and get married

  
chimchimney: WHAT

  
hopesworld: yeah ur ,,,,,,, baby boy

  
hopesworld: TOTALLY said that

  
chimchimney: he told you about that then

  
chimchimney: gr8 ill just go die in a hole

  
hopesworld: Jimin I think if he didn't tell me he was going to combust

  
chimchimney: it's always the quiet ones isn't it

  
hopesworld: tea!

  
hopesworld: congrats u gave mister sassy pants a boner tho

  
chimchimney: STOP

  
hopesworld: hhhhh believe me he RAN from the studio

  
chimchimney: STOP

  
chimchimney: do you think he

  
chimchimney: likes me????

 

hopesworld: what

  
hopesworld: wait ur going on a date

  
hopesworld: “dating” ??

  
hopesworld: you made his weenie excited

  
hopesworld: and you don't even know

  
hopesworld: IF HE LIKES YOU

  
chimchimney: yeah well he didn't say it

  
chimchimney: or anything

  
hopesworld: I worry about you guys

  
hopesworld: yes jimin he likes you

  
chimchimney: oh my god well

  
chimchimney: WELL

  
chimchimney: I was just CHECKING

  
hopesworld: you're both so dense why

  
chimchimney: wait was it you who set up yoongi’s side of the blind date

  
hopesworld: it was my idea actually

  
hopesworld: how did u find it

  
hopesworld: give my blind date skills a review

  
chimchimney: IT WAS SO SJAJFJCJ

  
chimchimney: he's super duper cute when he's nervous

  
chimchimney: and the restaurant was SO nice

  
chimchimney: kinda weird when we went there tho there were these people in like

  
chimchimney: fake facial hair staring at us

  
chimchimney: so yoongi told a waiter and the waiter was like we’ll keep an eye on them

  
chimchimney: but then they knocked over a vase?????

  
chimchimney: so they got kicked out

  
hopesworld: god some people are so

  
hopesworld: WEIRD these days

  
hopesworld: like who ?? who would do that

  
chimchimney: exactly weirdos

  
chimchimney: but yeah like the best date I've been on

  
chimchimney: but maybe because it wAS HIM

  
hopesworld: I regret messaging you you're just as bad as each other

  
hopesworld: like we get it you have some awkward weird ass freaky love going on

  
chimchimney: shhhhh

  
chimchimney: i need to go tae just text me and I think it's important

  
hopesworld: have fun up yoongi’s ass

  
chimchimney: Hoseok I’m sure if I ever managed to get up his ass I’d find you there already

  
hopesworld: woah

  
hopesworld: sometimes you rlly do scare me now i know why yoongi likes you  

  
chimchimney: (´･ᴗ･ ` )

 

[ _taebby_ ]

  
taebby: Jimin

  
chimchimney: TAE WHERE THE FUCK U BEEN

  
taebby: hey chim

  
taebby: just around

  
chimchimney: are you okay ???

  
taebby: yeah it's all good

  
chimchimney: you don't ,,,

  
chimchimney: seem fine

  
chimchimney: i can sense it in my bones 

  
taebby: do we have to talk about it

  
chimchimney: not unless u want me to SHRIVEL and DIE at the thought of u sad

  
taebby: give me a sec

 

 

taebby: ok

  
taebby: so I went camping with kookie

  
chimchimney: …

  
chimchimney: you haven't text anything else is that all

  
chimchimney: like I’m not the best with nature either but

  
taebby: just

  
taebby: blah

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

  
chimchimney: something is wrong with Tae,,,

  
hopesworld: how come?

  
chimchimney: they're being weird with me

  
chimchimney: they aren’t typing the same

  
chimchimney: or being the SAME

  
chimchimney: idk whats wrong

  
hopesworld: want me to text??

  
chimchimney: maybe not but I can keep u posted hoseokie 

  
hopesworld: plz I worry

 

[ _taebby_ ]

taebby: idk what to say

  
chimchimney: did u guys fall out

  
taebby: no that's the thing

  
taebby: we didn't really

  
taebby: do anything

  
taebby: well

  
taebby: oh chim

  
taebby: I kissed Kookie

  
chimchimney: oh you

  
chimchimney: you kissed him???

taebby: yeah

  
chimchimney: and that's why you're sad

  
taebby: yeah

  
chimchimney: but uhh usually isn't kissing a good thing like usually idk

  
taebby: I guess

  
taebby: I mean

  
taebby: fuck it was cute and nice and like we were stargazing

 

taebby: dude u know how it gets me 

  
taebby: he was being the biggest nerd

  
taebby: kept pointing out the stars for me with this look on his face

  
taebby: and I didn't have the heart to tell him I already knew it all because HIS FACE

  
taebby: we were just lying there

  
taebby: looking at the stars and shit

  
taebby: and it got silent and we were like

  
taebby: THIS close

  
taebby: so I just did it

  
chimchimney: Tae

  
taebby: and then he didn't say anything

  
taebby: just looked at me

  
taebby: like

  
taebby: didn't speak

  
taebby: just stared

  
taebby: he looked confused

  
taebby: then we just didn't say anything about in fact we didn't even speak for the rest of the time

  
taebby: just went to sleep woke up the next day

  
taebby: I think the only time we spoke was when I asked him if he wanted to go

  
taebby: and he just nodded

  
taebby: what the fuck have I done jimin

  
chimchimney: Tae it's not your fault

  
chimchimney: I promise

  
chimchimney: he might just be confused

  
chimchimney: scared???

  
chimchimney: he seems a little inexperienced anyway

  
chimchimney: did he kiss you back?

  
taebby: yeah

  
taebby: which is

  
taebby: confusing in itself

  
chimchimney: have you text him or anything

  
taebby: fuck no

  
taebby: I kissed him and now he probably doesn't wanna b friends I've fucked it all up

  
chimchimney: LISTEN

  
chimchimney: you haven't fked up

  
chimchimney: if anything you've misread some signals

  
chimchimney: but I doubt that

  
chimchimney: because he looks at you like the world was created out ur ass

  
chimchimney: give him space

  
chimchimney: he might need some time to think 

  
chimchimney: like is he even out???

  
taebby: i think so

  
taebby: i even don't know omg i’m terrible 

  
chimchimney: want me to message him??

  
taebby: GOD NO he'll know I've told u

  
chimchimney: I don't like the idea of him going thru this alone

  
taebby: me too

  
taebby: I kinda really like him

  
chimchimney: I know you do baby

  
chimchimney: and I'm sure he does too

  
taebby: I wasn't sure I did but then uhh

  
taebby: idk

  
taebby: i stopped going out and hooking up with people 

  
taebby: preferred just playing fkn overwatch with him

  
taebby: this is SO gross

  
taebby: why do I have unrequited feelings for a nerd

  
chimchimney: SHUt UP shakESPEARE

  
chimchimney: u don't even know if it's one sided

  
taebby: and we have a club meeting Thursday

  
chimchimney: oh SHIT and it's about black holes

  
taebby: my whole existence

  
taebby: is a black hole

  
chimchimney: hi being emo was cool like 5 years ago ??

  
taebby: I love u truly and really

  
chimchimney: it'll fix

  
chimchimney: promise

  
taebby: yh

 

[ _seagull_ ]

seagull: hey hyung are you busy

  
agustd: no hi what's up

  
seagull: look like this is gonna sound so stupid

  
seagull: and we arent like

  
seagull: besties

  
seagull: you know

  
seagull: but I haven't got anybody to fucking talk to

  
agustd: woah woah man

  
agustd: you good?

  
seagull: dude I legit don't know

  
agustd: right okay

  
agustd: you wanna talk about it?

  
seagull: a little

  
seagull: but you got to promise you won’t tell anybody

  
agustd: I swear

  
seagull: I went camping with taehyung

  
agustd: Yeah

  
seagull: it was fine

  
seagull: like we looked at the stars and shit and fucked around like idiots

  
seagull: like we always do

  
seagull: and then they kissed me

  
agustd: oh shit

  
agustd: man

  
seagull: I kissed them back

  
agustd: did you want to?

  
seagull: yeah I really did

  
seagull: they looked kinda fucking beautiful under the stars and the moon and shit

  
seagull: I sound so greasy but

  
seagull: if I wasn’t such an ass I would have done it first

  
agustd: it’s okay keep talking

  
seagull: it’s just

  
seagull: uhhh

  
seagull: I’ve never really done this stuff

  
agustd: oh

  
agustd: like?

  
seagull: like

  
seagull: anything

  
agustd: OH

  
agustd: so you need advice on like

  
agustd: the next step U KNO

  
seagull: aha not exactly chief

  
seagull: I completely fucking freaked

  
seagull: didn’t speak

  
seagull: I’ve fucked up so bad

  
agustd: this is

  
agustd: fine???

  
agustd: honestly

  
agustd: you like them?

  
seagull: I don’t know

  
agustd: maybe you should talk to them about it

  
agustd: or at least fix it if you’re not ready for that

  
seagull: I’m not really ready for anything

  
seagull: I’m not even like out

  
agustd: yeah me too not completely anyway

  
agustd: kinda got fucked up from doing that

  
seagull: how come

  
agustd: parents kicked me out, disowned me, stopped paying for shit

  
agustd: complete dramatic reaction but

  
agustd: what can I do??

  
seagull: oh

  
agustd: But don’t let that ever put you off doing it

  
agustd: coming out I mean

  
seagull: yea

  
agustd: you gonna talk to tae?

  
seagull: I don’t know

  
agustd: I think you really should

  
agustd: for peace of mind at least

  
seagull: you’re a really good hyung yoongi you know?? thank you

  
agustd: okay don’t be greasy on me now i get enough of this from hoseok

  
seagull: and jimin

  
agustd: ur on thin fkn ice kid

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: make it angsty  
> also me: but i want everyone to be happy  
> me: literally just do it it’s for the plot  
> also me: thx i hate it 
> 
> plz don’t scream at me it’s ALL PART OF THE PLAN but yoonkook?? uwu
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	16. hey hyung what's a bussy

[ _the gay space club: last active 2 days ago_ ]

[ _nambam_ ]

nambam: I know I always said how annoying that group chat is

  
nambam: And I pretend to hate it

  
nambam: But now I miss it

  
nambam: And them

  
thesuccjin: biggest mood

  
thesuccjin: i don't feel complete without it

  
thesuccjin: i’ve even started missing the mildly erotic space jokes and awkward romantic gestures

nambam: Oh we really do have it bad

nambam: Did you ask Jimin what had happened

  
thesuccjin: he said it wasn't his business to tell

  
thesuccjin: which is fair ig

  
nambam: But not what we want to hear

  
nambam: I asked Hoseok he said it's not to do with Yoongi and Jimin

  
thesuccjin: thank GOD

  
thesuccjin: i will go down with this ship

  
thesuccjin: and i saw jimin and tae together 

  
thesuccjin: because when are those lil shits ever apart

  
nambam: And Jungkook has been even more so quiet

  
thesuccjin: and tae’s been weird too

  
nambam: Oh dear

  
thesuccjin: i hope what i’m thinking that you’re thinking hasn't happened

  
nambam: Well that's it then 

  
nambam: We’re going undercover ourselves

  
thesuccjin: oh my god

  
nambam: mission save gay space club

  
thesuccjin: i love it when you get like this

  
nambam: : )

  
thesuccjin: what's the plan!!!!!!!

 

[ _thesuccjin_ ]

thesuccjin: i know you're being sworn to secrecy under the laws of platonic soulmateness

  
thesuccjin: but ur the only crackhead with enough power to do this

  
chimchimney: i’m already saying no!!!!!

  
thesuccjin: i’ll make u kimchi jjigae for a week

  
chimchimney: and buy me starbucks

  
thesuccjin: fine.

  
chimchimney: suddenly i am listening

  
thesuccjin: ok so,,,

 

 

[ _nambam_ ]

nambam: So what if I told you

  
nambam: I had a loop pedal I don’t need anymore

  
nambam: That you could have

  
agustd: i’d say you were shitting me

  
agustd: and that’s because there's a catch

  
nambam: Correct there’s a catch, theres always a catch 

  
nambam: You've noticed the chat is quiet?

  
agustd: yeah

  
nambam: Me and Jin are going to fix it

  
nambam: We need you as a pawn in the plan

  
agustd: ffs

  
agustd: I promised I wouldn't do anything joon

  
nambam: YOU JUST CONFIRMED YOU KNOW WHATS GOING ON

  
agustd: fuck

  
agustd: don't do anything to the kids i stg ill bite ur kneecaps

  
nambam: Calm it shorty 

   
agustd: is the plan going to be actually beneficial

  
nambam: Yes

  
agustd: does it involve me

  
nambam: Yes

  
agustd: will i be embarrassed

  
nambam: Maybe 

  
agustd: jesus christ

  
agustd: look if it's gonna make the kids happy

  
agustd: i’ll fuckn do it

  
agustd: on ONE condition

  
nambam: Go on

  
agustd: you get seokjin to make me food for a week

agustd: (uhhhhh and tell me jimin’s favourite flowers so i can surprise him) 

  
nambam: (That’s so cute I could scream, absolutely) 

  
nambam: This is the plan….

 

[ _the gay space gay_ ]

chimchimney: hey guys

  
hopesworld: hi!!!!

  
hopesworld: missed u all

  
agustd: I saw u today ? literally an hour ago

  
hopesworld: ALL (determiner, pronoun) - used to refer to a group of people/objects/amount

  
hopesworld: not just u

  
hopesworld: u dry salad

  
taebby: hi

  
thesuccjin: HELLO MY CHILDren

  
nambam: Yo

  
seagull: hey

  
chimchimney: i missed u all too!!!!

  
chimchimney: But I brought u all here for a reason

  
chimchimney: To say

  
chimchimney: That astrology isn’t real bye

  
taebby: Wait a fkn minute

  
seagull: Wait a SECOND

  
seagull: Are you srs

  
taebby: All the lies over the years

  
taebby: Me telling ur stupid libra ass things

  
taebby: In fact this is probably just u being a libra

  
seagull: Oh totally

  
seagull: Indecisive

  
taebby: One second you care about the stars

  
taebby: One second it’s,,, gone

  
seagull: this betrayal

  
taebby: I’m hurt

  
seagull: Jimin I legit guessed ur horoscope when we met

  
chimchimney: cause ur weird

  
seagull: Excuse ME 

  
agustd: agree with jimin

  
taebby: ONLY BECAUSE YOU WANNA LIVE IN HIS ASS AND LICK HIS NIPS

  
seagull: YEAH U OVERSIZED KITTEN

  
seagull: MEOW MEOW GO FUCK URSELF

 

[ _nambam_ ]

nambam: It’s working so

  
nambam: Ready?

  
agustd: wait NAMJOON i just realised something ?????

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

nambam: Kookie, Tae you guys seem very passionate

  
nambam: Why don’t you guys discuss it between you

  
_nambam_ has left the group

admin rights have been given to _taebby_

 

taebby: uhhh woah

  
taebby: is this real

  
taebby: am i

  
taebby: the admin?????

  
chimchimney: FUCK

  
agustd: I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

  
taebby: i’m literally too powerful

  
taebby: i can feel it

  
taebby: in my Blood

 

 _taebby_ added _nambam_ to the group

  
_taebby_ changed _nambam’s_ name to _subordinate_

 

taebby: bow before me wench 

  
seagull: AJDJCJCJD

  
hopesworld: i just heard namjoon SCREAM from his room

  
subordinate: Taehyung plz DO NOT DO THIS

  
taebby: none of u are safe

 

 _taebby_ changed _hopesworld_ name to _secret furry_

 

secret furry: bold of you to assume I don’t enjoy this username

 

 _taebby_ changed _chimchimney’s_ name to _satan_

 

satan: I have had worse ?

 

 _taebby_ changed _agustd’s_ name to _park jimin owns my bussy_

 

park jimin owns my bussy: NO??????

  
park jimin owns my bussy: absolutely DO NOT THINK SO

  
satan: TAEHYUNG

 

[ _seagull_ ]

seagull: hey hyung what’s a bussy

  
park jimin owns my bussy: THIS IS NOT THE TIME ON EDUCATION ON SLANG TERMS FOR THE MALE ASS

  
seagull: oh… thx ?

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

 

thesuccjin: STOP IT YA LIL SHITS

  
thesuccjin: You all seem to forget that I

  
thesuccjin: Was one of the creators of the group too

 

 _thesuccjin_ removed admin rights from _taebby_

  
admin rights have been given to _subordinate_

 

taebby: it was fun while it lasted

  
taebby: enjoyed the thrill of it all

  
taebby: power does bad things to ppl tho

  
subordinate: That was terrifying

  
subordinate: I am never getting involved in anything ever again

  
subordinate: I’m muting this chat and ostracising myself

 _subordinate_ changed their name to _nambam_  

  
park jimin owns my bussy: ok namjoon sweaty go sit in a corner and swallow a dictionary

  
seagull: tae!!! You didn’t give me a new nickname

  
taebby: oh

  
taebby: it would have been oversized bunny

  
seagull: RUDE

  
taebby: But true????

  
seagull: god fineeeee

 

[ _thesuccjin_ ]

thesuccjin: my skin

  
thesuccjin: cleared

  
thesuccjin: my deadlines

  
thesuccjin: met

  
thesuccjin: my crops

  
thesuccjin: grown

  
nambam: You have crops?

  
thesuccjin: Namjoon

  
the succjin: ???? doesn’t matter

  
thesuccjin: BUT WE FIXED IT not what we had planned the whole leave them alone thing didn’t work

  
nambam: Well they are still crackheads what do you expect 

  
nambam: ANYWAY LETS CELEBRATE

  
thesuccjin: WELL ur sitting right next to me anyway idiot, give me a kiss

 

[ _seagull_ ]

seagull: so

  
taebby: so

  
seagull: are we just gonna

  
seagull: put this behind us

  
taebby: yeah i’d like that

  
seagull: nice

  
seagull: friends?

  
taebby: yeah sure

  
taebby: friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I AM LAte just ur usual random events that i dont even know how i think of :) rejoice in the return of the “friends” 
> 
> (friends my stupid ass bye)
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	17. have you seen my bag? (its empty, yeet)

[ _the gay space club_ ]

 

hopesworld: ive been doing some thinking

  
agustd: god help us all

  
hopesworld: shut it

  
nambam: The floor is yours

  
hopesworld: so i’m poor

  
taebby: is that all

  
thesuccjin: we been knew

  
hopesworld: let me finish!!

  
hopesworld: we should totally sign up for the regional science fair contest

  
agustd: isn’t that for ? kids ??

  
hopesworld: mayhaps

  
hopesworld: but no offence but u look 10 anyway so

  
agustd: none taken

  
agustd: when i’m 30 looking 15 ur gonna look like a shrivelled old toad

  
seagull: what do we have to do for it

  
hopesworld: well young one you need to submit a project

  
hopesworld: based on a science topic obviously

  
hopesworld: cash prize, easy win

  
nambam: This sounds sketchy

  
hopesworld: it’s not sketchy at all

  
hopesworld: we just have to pretend to be under the age of 18

  
nambam: Yep this is sketchy

  
chimchimney: but we don’t look under the age of 18

  
thesuccjin: sure jan speak for yourself

  
taebby: jin you don’t look under 18 either

  
thesuccjin: ouch that hurt my feelies

  
nambam: I’m not doing anything illegal

  
hopesworld: it’s not illegal

  
hopesworld: by law

  
hopesworld: just not ethical

  
seagull: what would we even submit

  
agustd: i’m cool for some deviance

  
chimchimney: but what if we get caught

  
nambam: What if we get kicked out of uni

  
taebby: we could do it on the planets and how their alignments are affecting our everyday lives

  
thesuccjin: sounds fake but ok

  
taebby: ITS NOT FKN FAKE

  
chimchimney: YEAH we could make giant paper mache planets

  
nambam: But WHY

  
hopesworld: money

  
hopesworld: did u know i’m broke

  
nambam: I’m your roommate I watch you eat instant ramen noodles two times a day so yes, I’m very aware of that

  
hopesworld: all the more reason

  
hopesworld: guys we’re all broke it’s genius we’re genius

  
hopesworld: plz don’t make me go back to stripping again

  
seagull: again????

  
hopesworld: long story angel 

  
hopesworld: all i’m saying

  
hopesworld: lots of leather

  
hopesworld: and baby oil

  
chimchimney: i liked it when u stripped u always got cute clothes

  
hopesworld: yes which u stole u baby hoe

  
chimchimney: there is always time for some lycra hyung

  
thesuccjin: anyway

  
agustd: no no go back to jimin talking about lycra i’m interested

  
taebby: gross!

  
taebby: it’s no nut november u heathen

  
agustd: the fact you came to that conclusion says more about you than me

  
seagull: lol u said came

  
hopesworld: ANYWAY

  
hopesworld: we’re basically doing them a favour

  
hopesworld: i’m gonna dish out the planets

  
hopesworld: namjoon you’re pluto 

  
nambam: Hold up

  
nambam: Pluto isn’t a planet

  
hopesworld: i know

  
hopesworld: which is why it’s u, both irrelevant 

  
nambam: Suck my ass

  
thesuccjin: u understand this will have a deadline

  
thesuccjin: this ethically ambiguous project

  
hopesworld: honey i’ve pulled together much worse tasks we can do this

  
hopesworld: i once wrote a ten thousand word essay in 24 hours living on only red bull and curly fries

  
hopesworld: it’s fkn possible

  
hopesworld: and you’ve been assigned mercury so get on it

  
taebby: i’m just waiting patiently to be assigned uranus 

  
hopesworld: incorrect that’s yoongi

  
agustd: wtf why am I part of this

  
hopesworld: ur in the club?? And UR a pain in my ANUS

  
hopesworld: enjoy x x x

  
taebby: oh so i’m just disregarded

  
hopesworld: how about u be earth my cinnamon delight

  
taebby: hmmm

  
taebby: you could sway me

  
nambam: May I remind you we banned this exact task last year

  
seagull: yeah but this is different

  
seagull: this is for money

  
seagull: not just making model planets for fun

  
Taebby: where my money @ where the party @

  
chimchimney: can I b Neptune or Venus

  
hopesworld: yes of course

  
hopesworld: so polite !

  
agustd: wtf are the kids gonna do anyway this is fkn easy

  
agustd: fkn amateurs

  
thesuccjin: yoongi they’re kids u can’t say that

  
nambam: Sometimes I wish I was in the chemistry club instead of here

  
hopesworld: and miss out on this ? Oh pLEASE

  
nambam: Yeah

  
nambam: Exactly

  
nambam: And I’m not saying this is a bad idea but it’s a bad idea

  
nambam: How about we just do something as a group

  
nambam: Idk like

  
nambam: A car wash

  
chimchimney: THAT’S SO CUTE

  
agustd: can i opt out and just have my car washed 20 times 

  
hopesworld: the implication is strong with that

  
thesuccjin: why am I imagining namjoon washing a car to my humps by black eyed peas

  
taebby: sharing sexual fantasies on the group chat is gross

  
thesuccjin: what because hoseok hasn’t shared all 27 of his

  
hopesworld: i’m a sharing guy what can i say?

  
seagull: don’t most car wash things need like a charity

  
hopesworld: i’m a charity??

  
agustd: i can give to charity

  
chimchimney: wait

  
chimchimney: does anybody here even know how to wash a car

  
taebby: it’s not gonna b hard u just get a lot of soap and water and woosh ur fkn done

  
nambam: On second thoughts not the car wash too risky

  
nambam: I don’t want to be kicked out of uni for trashing a strangers car

  
hopesworld: then WHAT is your next genius idea

  
nambam: Why cant we just do what normal people do and get jobs

  
taebby: because we’re idiots

  
thesuccjin: DO NOT SAY THAt about yourself

  
agustd: they’re not wrong tho

  
agustd: why do u think hoseok lives on ramen

  
hopesworld: don’t test me bitch i’ll get somebody to kick u out don’t think I won’t

  
agustd: try me ! !

  
taebby: how much do u think a kidney would get on the black market

  
taebby: asking for a friend

  
nambam; Taehyung you’re not gonna sell a kidney

  
taebby: i’m literally not hoseok just messaged me and asked

  
hopesworld: TRAITOR

  
nambam: Jesus

  
nambam: How about we just

  
nambam: Get a job on campus

  
hopesworld: stop trying to make employment happen it’s not gonna happen

  
agustd: sell weed?

  
nambam: Absolutely not ignore him

  
taebby: CALL THEM THE GAY SPACE CAKES

  
hopesworld: well everybody I’m changing my name

  
hopesworld: my new name is Hoseok Escobar

  
chimchimney: the ultimate crackhead

  
taebby: we love u our leader

  
seagull: amen

  
seagull: anyway guys let’s just enter the university society competition

  
thesuccjin: that’s a thing???

  
seagull: yeah we got told about it in induction

  
seagull: all the societies have to produce a project based on their society and it’s achievements and stuff

  
hopesworld: and you couldn’t of mentioned this 30 minutes ago because?????

  
seagull: oh idk I didn’t think it was relevant

  
nambam: LORD give me strength

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somehow this infernal mess of a work has 5000 hits and 400 kudos. i am so grateful i could scream!! ly guys
> 
> i’d like to point us all in the direction of this vine. https://vine.co/v/M0wtdHhL1U7/ it’s taehyung and hoseok in chapter 13.
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	18. blood, sweat and power bottoms

[ _chimchimney_ ]

chimchimney: so I’m walking thru campus

  
taebby: i’m listening

  
chimchimney: I’ve just finished conceptual choreography

  
chimchimney: so in other words i’m sweating like a pig and smell like trash

  
taebby: sounds sexy

  
chimchimney: all I want to do is get home

  
chimchimney: shower

  
chimchimney: binge watch Netflix

  
chimchimney: and eat all that jjigae seokjin made me

  
taebby: I still don’t understand why he made you that

  
chimchimney: honestly not important right now

  
chimchimney: I’m like ?? 5 minutes away from my apartment

  
chimchimney: and i’m considering running because I also really need to pee

  
chimchimney: but my body currently feels like I’ve done 5 rounds with a power bottom and it’s like no not today sweetie

  
chimchimney: so in reality I’m not walking thru campus I am limping

  
taebby: what is the meaning of this story jimin because all i’ve taken in atm is sweat, power bottoms and limping

  
taebby: and as much as this is usually my cup of tea

  
taebby: I’m not really getting it ???

  
chimchimney: well I’m getting there I’m just PAINTING the scene

  
chimchimney: still limping still trying to get home still looking like shit

  
chimchimney: when suddenly

  
chimchimney: I hear somebody call my name

  
chimchimney: and it could only be the deep tones of the love of my life him fkn self

  
chimchimney: min fkn yoongi

  
taebby: oh my Christ

  
chimchimney: so I’ve got a situation here

  
chimchimney: ignore him because I currently look like I’ve just crawled out of a sewer and I’m about to sell him some crack

  
chimchimney: or don’t ignore him which means I look like all of the above but I also have to face the fact he looks like the soft slightly emo man of my dreams

  
taebby: it’s the all black and the little scowl

  
taebby: a killer

  
chimchimney: exactly thank u

  
chimchimney: anyway my decision is literally fkn useless as it is because he suddenly RUNS up to me and from behind his back pulls out

  
taebby: pulls out??????? 

  
chimchimney: a fkn bouquet

  
taebby: as in ,,,,,, flowers

  
chimchimney: a bouquet of flowers

  
taebby: Oh mY gOD

  
taebby: MIN YOONGI U SOFT BITCH IM GONNA SCREAM TILL I COLLAPSE

  
chimchimney: and then he said something but it was lost on me because he said it faster than the speed of light

  
chimchimney: but I swear I got the words “pretty” and “you” so he’s either telling me I’m pretty or telling me somebody else is and I’m an ugly toe and these flowers mean fuck off

  
taebby: the latter

  
chimchimney: MEAN

  
chimchimney: so yeah he just runs away

  
chimchimney: nd I’m just stood there with a bouquet of flowers

  
chimchimney: thinking in that exact moment that i’m so whipped man I’d rob a bank for him

  
chimchimney: I didn’t walk for like 3 minutes ppl started to stare

  
taebby: i’m still wheezing at the fact he RAN away

  
chimchimney: honestly i’ve never seen him move so fast I didn’t think he had it in him

  
chimchimney: boi suddenly moves

  
taebby: does this ALSO mean he was looking for u to give u the flowers

  
chimchimney: kinda but we always cross paths at that time, we normally just say hi tho

  
taebby: THATS EVEN CUTER I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT

  
taebby: HE KNEW HE WOULD SEE YOU

  
taebby: SO HE GOT THE FLOWERS

  
taebby: BYE

  
chimchimney: sTOP IT i’m still NOT OVER IT

  
chimchimney:

  
chimchimney: ASJCJVJASJC

  
taebby: JVCJNSJJG

  
taebby: POST THAT IN THE GROUP CHAT AND SEE IF HE REACts

  
chimchimney: UR SO EVIL

  
taebby: DO IT

 

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

chimchimney: hi everybody

  
chimchimney:

  
chimchimney: I miss u guys

  
hopesworld: CUTE !!! HELLO

  
nambam: Hey!

  
seagull: chimmmmm

  
thesuccjin: what’s prettier jimin or the flowers ??

  
taebby: obviously jimin

  
taebby: does anybody else in this group chat wanna agree with me

  
taebby: @yoongi

  
agustd: jimin you look really fkn good

  
agustd: and the flowers are nice

  
agustd: but the person who gave you them is nicer

 

[ _chimchimney_ ]

chimchimney: we tried to break yoongi

  
chimchimney: and instead i am broken

  
taebby: CAN YOU BELIEVE

  
taebby: IF U NEED ME U CAN FIND ME ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN YODELLING

  
chimchimney: why is he like this

taebby: why are you both like this

  
taebby: reply NOW

  
taebby: and make it

  
taebby: f l i r t y

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

chimchimney: I mean he’s okay

  
chimchimney: would have been nicer if he actually stayed to talk

  
agustd: maybe he was just a bit shy idk

  
agustd: But might not be anymore

  
hopesworld: hey guys

  
chimchimney: well I’d prefer if he wasn’t

  
chimchimney: so I can say thank you properly

  
agustd: i asked him and he said he’s never going to be shy ever again

  
hopesworld: GUYS

  
chimchimney: good I like him more when he’s not shy

  
agustd: well he said he likes you too

  
agustd: for the record

  
hopesworld: oh mY GOD stop flirting in the group chat

  
hopesworld: i’ve thrown my phone away from me literally 3 times already

  
seagull: if that’s what flirting is to them then I don’t want it

  
seagull: ever

  
taebby: aw even nerds can find love

  
thesuccjin: hey namjoon

  
nambam: The answers no I’m not doing that

  
thesuccjin: FINE

  
chimchimney: soRRY GUYS

  
hopesworld: honestly whatever the fuck “thank you properly” meant

  
hopesworld: is causing me hives

  
thesuccjin: nobody contact either of them for the next hour

  
seagull: oh why

  
seagull: :(

  
hopesworld: because yoongi is most definitely receiving jimin junior in the next 10 minutes

  
chimchimney: you guys are gross !!

  
chimchimney: I only send nudes after the 5th date anyway

  
taebby: but you send me them all the time

  
chimchimney: tae’s lying

  
chimchimney: it’s not all the time

  
taebby: just sometimes

  
hopesworld: how much y’all betting yoongi has retyped the message “uhh jimin we can skip to date 5” about 488583 times

  
nambam: Probably closer to 7999772

  
agustd: what do you people take me for

  
agustd: it’s actually 2485838277

  
chimchimney: YOONGI

  
agustd: I am JOKING

 

[ _agustd_ ]

agustd: i'm not joking

  
hopesworld: omkkmfkjjf

 

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

seagull: i just can’t believe yoongi got jimin flowers

  
seagull: who knew the old man had a heart

  
agustd: fuck u

  
thesuccjin: UH EXACTLY love makes me feel sick

  
nambam: Excuse me

  
thesuccjin: especially u

  
thesuccjin: ur the sickliest

  
agustd: is this ur way of saying u love each other

  
thesuccjin: perhaps

  
nambam: Well you make me feel sicker

  
thesuccjin: CUTIE

  
hopesworld: u guys are all fkn messy

  
taebby: yeah but at least we aren't straight

  
thesuccjin: what a sad sad life we’d all have if we were

 

[ _agustd_ ]

agustd: about that thank you

  
chimchimney: oh BOY

  
agustd: wait wait wait before you jump to conclusions

  
agustd: like i know u do

  
agustd: wanna say your thank you on Saturday when I take you on a date?

  
chimchimney: how has one dork got my heart so strongly

  
chimchimney: wait did I type that instead of thinking it

  
agustd: yep

  
agustd: so is that a yes

  
chimchimney: u can bet ur hot ass it's a yes

  
agustd: was that another type instead of thinking

  
chimchimney: what am I not allowed to say ur ass is hot

  
agustd: i didn't say that

  
agustd: so keep going

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll probably update again later (i have no life and i missed yesterday yikes)
> 
> ALSO i lowkey want to make my own gay space club group chat plz
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	19. couchgate

[ _the gay space club_ ]

taebby: have you ever thought about the fact that the first person who ever milked a cow is really fucking weird

  
taebby: like which person looked at a cows peen looking tiddy and thought

  
taebby: let me drink that shit

  
nambam: You understand it’s 1am

  
taebby: i can read the time yes

  
chimchimney: taehyung this is why people don’t sit with us at lunch

  
thesuccjin: I thought people didn’t sit with us at lunch because we’re gay nerds

  
chimchimney: yes ?? But I am at peace with that

  
nambam: i’m sorry but this is a civilised group why on earth would anybody NOT want to join us

  
hopesworld: hey guys can u all stop making my phone go off

  
hopesworld: i’m trying to beat my meat and yeet

  
nambam: Are you SERIOUS

  
taebby: YEET

  
nambam: I am disturbed

  
hopesworld: omg fine

  
hopesworld: i’ll beat your meat too

  
nambam: STOP

  
hopesworld: ur so needy fine okay

  
hopesworld: I’ll beat EVERYBODY’S meat

  
nambam: You are absolutely not beating anybody’s meat

  
agustd: hoseok

  
agustd: tell me why the fuck i just woke up to a message about u beating ur meat

  
hopesworld: congrats everybody we woke up yoongi

  
seagull: and ME

  
chimchimney: and it is way past your bedtime

  
agustd: I mean it’s fine anyway I fell asleep at the studio so

  
chimchimney: omg!!! get home !!! now!!!

chimchimney: it's so late!!!!!

  
agustd: okay MOM

  
hopesworld: u know that’s pretty fuckin kinky

  
agustd: only you would think you that

  
taebby: honestly i thought it too

  
chimchimney: ur both gross !

  
chimchimney: i literally have one kink

  
chimchimney: and it is love <3

  
thesuccjin: oh my god does ANYBODY in this group chat sleep

  
thesuccjin: i need my beauty sleep or i’ll wilt and die

  
nambam: Hey you don’t need it

  
nambam: Beautiful as you are

  
hopesworld: my dicks soft now thanks

  
hopesworld: fkn mushy lovey bananas

  
nambam: Wait a fkn second

  
nambam: Hoseok you’re sat in our lounge I can hear the tv

  
nambam: ARE YOU MASTURBATING ON OUR COUCH

  
hopesworld: YIKES GOTTA BLAST QUITE LITERALLY

  
nambam: My fucking grandma bought me that couch oh my god

  
thesuccjin: he doesn’t know what we’ve did on that couch anyway

  
agustd: well thanks now everybody else knows

  
chimchimney: EW I always sit on your couch

  
agustd: holy fuck i’ve sat on that couch

  
taebby: i once got drunk and slept on that couch

  
taebby: my body and face has actually touched bodily fluids from them both

  
taebby: i must wash !

  
nambam: I cleaned the couch! It’s fine!

  
taebby: the couch still remembers what it’s been through

  
taebby: have you ever thought about that

  
chimchimney: why cant you guys just have sex in normal places

  
taebby: the day you fuck in Yoongi’s studio is the day i will come back to remind you of what you just said

  
agustd: uhhh that’s the university studio

  
taebby: even worse! disgusteng

  
agustd: i will legit strangle u

  
taebby: what? like ur tall enough all of a sudden?

  
agustd: you have sunk low enough for me to reach

  
thesuccjin: please can we all sleep

  
seagull: yeah i keep falling asleep and then waking up again

  
seagull: at like the worst points

  
taebby: just mute the CHAT

  
seagull: but what if i miss something :(

  
chimchimney: IMMA DO IT FOR US ALL, GOODNIGHT HOES

  
agustd: gudnight

  
taebby: uh fine sleep tight bitches

  
seagull: night

  
thesuccjin: goodnight !

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]

taebby: you know

  
taebby: what’s even worse

  
taebby: the first person to eat an egg

  
taebby: why would you ever eat anything that’s just came out of a chicken genital

  
chimchimney: it’s been TEN minutes why are you back

  
taebby: I couldn’t sleep!!!!!

  
chimchimney: then put on attack on titan or something nd try ride it out!!!

  
taebby: g o od plan

 

[ _taebby_ ]

taebby: hey

  
taebby: hey

  
taebby: hey

  
taebby: wake up

  
taebby: hey

  
seagull: whhaht

taebby: HEY

  
seagull: taeeee go back to sleep

  
taebby: but i’m not sleepy yet

  
seagull: close ur eyes

  
seagull: it will come

  
taebby: that sounds so ominous

  
taebby: what’s coming

  
seagull: TAE I wanna sleep

  
taebby: sleep during uni!!!

  
seagull: i’mmm sleeping

 

[ _taebby_ ]

taebby: hey

  
agustd: don’t even fucking think about it.

 

 

[ _taebby_ ]

taebby: hey

  
chimchimney: i’m gonna give u one chance to keep me awake and then that’s it

  
taebby: I got nothing chief

  
chimchimney: sleep u salty fkn toe

 

[ _taebby_ ]

taebby: hey

taebby: are you awake?

  
hopesworld: i’m too scared to sleep in case namjoon comes and whips my ass for doodling my diddle on the couch

  
taebby: jin said they doodled on the couch too

  
hopesworld: son of a bitch

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

hopesworld: WAKE UP FUCKERS

  
hopesworld: I muted this chat and I come back TO SEE MY COUCH IS BEING DEFILED

  
hopesworld: you dirty people

  
hopesworld: I eat my cereal on that couch

  
hopesworld: fuck sometimes a lucky charm escapes and lands on the seat and I EAT IT

  
hopesworld: have I ate namjoon’s ass???

  
hopesworld: IS ANYBODY AWAKE

  
taebby: it’s just you and me i think

  
hopesworld: and to think i was actually the victim

  
agustd: I swear on my mother if you two don’t shut the fuck up

  
agustd: I am so close to muting this chat you wouldn’t fucking believe

  
taebby: you would miss us too much

  
agustd: is this a threat? a challenge?

  
taebby: ITS BOTH

  
chimchimney: please sleep PLEASE sleep

  
seagull: gays please

  
seagull: guys*

  
hopesworld: but was the first message a lie

  
taebby: we are in the prime of our lives and everybody is asleep

  
taebby: fools!

  
seagull: I got uni at 9

  
taebby: great idea! Lets stay awake all night

  
agustd: can somebody give me admin controls so i can kick taehyung

  
taebby: u can fkn try chicken little

  
agustd: CHICKEN LITTLE???

  
taebby: yah

  
taebby: ur a small blonde chicken

  
agustd: THAT’S IT

  
agustd: ur all muted

  
agustd: GOODNIGHT

  
taebby: jimin has a secret kink

  
agustd: and I’m back in the room

  
taebby: it's me bitch ! goodnight

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLLOOO!! sorry for a lack of updates its becaAAauseee I’ve been working on a new yoonmin fic. it’s super duper different to what i normally write (criminals, mafia, kinda dark) and it’s called super rich kids (with nothing but loose ends) 
> 
> u can check out the first chapter [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16596029/chapters/38893871) !!! (but u don’t have to if u don’t wanna)


	20. little gay space butts

[ _seagull_ ]

seagull: hyung

  
agustd: oh god you only call me hyung when you want something

  
agustd: please don’t tell me i need to get out of bed

  
agustd: fridays are the only weekdays i have off

  
seagull: oh uh no

  
seagull: no getting out of bed

  
agustd: then what is it you little shit 

  
seagull: okay don’t laugh

  
agustd: well now I want to laugh

  
agustd: And I’m a cold bitch sometimes so can’t promise anything

  
seagull: okay then don’t tell anybody

  
agustd: what about jimin

  
seagull: absolutely NOT jimin

  
agustd: okay i’m ready

  
seagull: hyung how do I know if I wanna

  
seagull: u know

  
seagull: do stuff

  
agustd: ??? I don’t follow

  
seagull: like

  
seagull: how do I know I want to

  
seagull: try out SEX

  
agustd: why the fuck did you capitalise sex

  
seagull: it just fkn felt right I don’t know I’m nervous

  
agustd: well does ur dick get hard sometimes I don’t fucking know

  
seagull: well yeah

  
agustd: do you think about sex

  
seagull: yeah

  
agustd: do you want to have sex

  
seagull: yes

  
agustd: then congrats u wanna have sex???

  
agustd: that wasn’t so hard now was it

  
seagull: why do I feel like you’re laughing at yourself for saying hard

  
agustd: oh because I totally am

  
seagull: right but how do I know what I want to

  
seagull: do during SEX

  
agustd: oh my fuck capitalise sex one more time and I’ll forward you to namjoon

  
seagull: you wouldn’t

  
agustd: I fucking would

  
agustd: And believe me sex advice from namjoon is like a dictionary and the amateur soft sex pages of pornhub had a fucked up love child

  
seagull: why do you know that

  
agustd: once talked to him about fisting

  
agustd: you literally don’t even wanna know what he said

  
seagull: I hate it stop I’m a child

  
agustd: back to the issue

  
agustd: when you imagine yourself you know having sex

  
agustd: where do you see yourself

  
seagull: anywhere I guess

  
agustd: anywhere really isn't an answer I can roll with here

  
agustd: anywhere could literally be the guy in an orgy watching everything with a sock

  
seagull: ?????? Well NO

  
agustd: do you know what a top and bottom are

  
seagull: yes

  
seagull: maybe

  
agustd: the person who tops is penetrator

  
agustd: bottom is the receiver

  
agustd: then there's stuff like power bottom, sub top but that's like

  
agustd: advanced level we’re just on basic

  
seagull: okay but

  
seagull: what if I want to try both

  
agustd: then you might be a switch

  
agustd: which is like no preference

  
seagull: oh right cool!

  
seagull: this sounds easier than I thought

  
agustd: I mean almost but then you also have to think about prepping like way before and then actually during sex

  
seagull: ?????

  
agustd: oh dude are u serious

  
agustd: just google anal prepping

  
agustd: ON A PRIVATE BROWSER

  
seagull: okay

  
seagull: OH FUCK

  
seagull: I've got to put WHAT up my WHERE

  
agustd: yep

  
agustd: totally cool right

  
seagull: NO????

  
agustd: is this because you wanna have sex

  
agustd: with somebody we know

  
seagull: what no  
seagull: no

  
seagull: never even thought about it

  
seagull: thanks but no

  
seagull: never

  
agustd: woah chill you don’t need to spam me

  
seagull: sorry but I don’t I wouldn’t no bye

  
agustd: sure ok

  
agustd: whatever lie gets you off at night

  
seagull: I DO NOT GET OFF ON THINKING ABOUT THAT

  
agustd: did I ever say you did

  
agustd: but now you’ve basically just told me you do

  
agustd: so

  
agustd: does this mean you’re going to do something about your crush then

  
seagull: I’d rather choke on safety pins thanks

  
agustd: there’s much better things to choke on my young dongsaeng

  
seagull: uh choke urself

  
agustd: if only I’d enjoy it as much if I did that

  
seagull: actually no I’m going to namjoon bye

  
agustd: I’m sorry come back I’ll stop

  
seagull: fine

  
agustd: if you just TOLD tae how you feel you’d be over this ages ago

  
agustd: having happy freaky butt sex

  
agustd: And doing whatever the fuck you weird couples do

  
agustd: couples stamp collecting???

  
seagull: you’re in a weird couple yourself you idiot

  
agustd: okay so first of all no

  
agustd: jimin’s not my boyfriend yet

  
seagull: YET ?? OK WOW IM NOT FANBOYING???

  
agustd: shut up

  
agustd: and secondly we do normal things

  
seagull: like what?? Attacking him with flowers and getting accidentally sexted

  
agustd: how the fuck

  
seagull: I have my sources

  
agustd: your crush can go fuck themselves

  
agustd: i don’t care if you wish it was you doing it for them

  
seagull: DUDE GROSS STOP MY EYES

  
agustd: you asked for it and you enjoyed it 

 

  
[ _the gay space club_ ]  
  
nambam: Okay so which one of you did this then

  
nambam:

  
  
hopesworld: OH MY FUCKING GOD

  
nambam: THEY ARE ALL OVER THE UNIVERSITY WHO DID IT

  
agustd: i’m literally not even bi

  
agustd: i mean i’m a bitch sure but not bisexual

  
taebby: on god it wasn’t me

  
taebby: because I know ur all thinking it was me

  
taebby: but it wasn’t

  
chimchimney: what on earth is that omg

  
chimchimney: namjoon you look like mc hammer when the hell was that taken

  
chimchimney: and why does your hat say carrots

  
taebby: also hobi can i just say you look fkn yummy in that photo i would succ

  
hopesworld: uwu!! cute and dirty!!

  
seagull: oh that spooks me i don’t like that

  
thesuccjin: alas you have finally found my gift

  
nambam: THIS WAS YOU

  
agustd: srsly jin where did you find that photo??? I took it like two years ago

  
thesuccjin: it was online duh

  
thesuccjin: I had printing credits left so I thought the club could use some advertising

  
nambam: ???

  
taebby: it’s genuis i love it get this shit framed

  
taebby: we always could do with some hot new space butts in our club

 

  
  
[ _seagull_ ]

  
seagull: i’m sorry but

  
seagull: what????

  
seagull: is my little space butt not ENOUGH

  
agustd: i mean

  
seagull: don’t answer that you fkn traitor

 

  
  
[ _the gay space club_ ]  
  
hopesworld: honestly! that’s the tea!

  
chimchimney: tae is my butt not cute enough for you ( ; ω ; )

  
seagull: jimin asking the real questions

  
agustd: wow tae yeah is my ass not making you cosmically aroused

  
taebby: oh my god who put a coin in the yoongi machine today he’s actually being funny

  
taebby: or is he just excited for his date with jimin tomorrow

  
agustd: in all honestly yes

  
chimchimney: YOONGO OMG KAKDFHSJS

  
hopesworld: yoongi you sweaty bitch stop being greasy in the gc

  
agustd: Jimin who the hell is Yoongo

  
agustd: are you seeing somebody else???

  
thesuccjin: this is so creepy why is he funny all of sudden

  
taebby: I honestly don't know I’m terrified my ass is quaking and not in a good way

  
taebby: like in the way it feels after you eat spicy food and you need the bathroom

  
chimchimney: YOONGI NO

  
chimchimney: I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU

  
agustd: u have broke me jiminie   
chimchimney: honestly I’m scared too somebody go check if hes okay

  
seagull: anyway I wanna talk more about the fact my butt isn’t good enough

  
thesuccjin: oh honey that spaceship sailed long ago

  
nambam: Do spaceships even sail

  
thesuccjin: you're my boyfriend how can you betray me like this

  
taebby: aww kookie your butt is good enough!!!

  
taebby: just I need new butts too sometimes!!!

 

 

[ _seagull_ ]

  
seagull: oh

  
seagull: OH

  
seagull: SO THAT’S HOW IT FKN IS I SEE

  
agustd: well you did basically reject them remember

  
seagull: if I wanted a reality check I’d look at my bank balance thanks

  
agustd: wow snappy

  
seagull: I’m messaging Tae

  
seagull: I’m finding out why my butt isnt good enough

  
agustd: of all the things you could do please don't do that

  
seagull: too late!

 

 

[ _seagull_ ]  
seagull: why is my butt not good enough

  
seagull: because if it's not toned enough I can do more glute reps

  
taebby: I never said ur butt isn't good enough

  
seagull: why do u wanna new butt then!!!

  
taebby: uhhhhh

  
taebby: because I do?

  
taebby: I'm confused

  
seagull: okay then is it because you want me to want your butt instead

  
seagull: because I do it's really good and I like it A LOT

  
seagull: and I know how it works now like somebody has to be the butt

  
seagull: and now I know switching is a thing too

  
seagull: we could totally just !!!!!!

  
seagull: take it in turns appreciating each other's butt !!!!!!!!!!!

  
taebby: what the fuck a duck is going on

  
seagull: SO DO YOU WANT TO TOP ME YES OR NO

  
taebby: is this a trick question

  
taebby: are you high

  
taebby: because I don't mind if you are

  
seagull: no I’m not high

  
taebby: then why do u wanna know if I wanna top u ajsjxjjdjd

  
taebby: I’m literally a switch anyway

  
seagull: OKAY WELL I know what that is now so

  
taebby: Erm

  
taebby: yay????

  
seagull: ok cool wow so ur a switch that’s good to know

  
seagull: still doesn't make me see why my booty isn't good enough

  
taebby: I didn't think you were into me so I don't know what's going on here

  
taebby: so do you just wanna like

  
taebby: fuck once to try it out or something is that what you mean idk I'm lost

  
seagull: YES

  
seagull: NO

  
seagull: more than once

  
taebby: friends with benefit???

  
seagull: YES

  
seagull: wait fuck

  
seagull: NO

  
taebby: Jungkook what the fuck are you trying to say

  
seagull: OH CHRIST

  
seagull: HERE I GO

  
seagull: I THINK YOURE SO FUCKING HOT I WANNA LIKE HOLD UR HAND AND BUY U SHIT AND TAKE U ON CHEESY DATES TO ARCADES AND CALL U MY HOT PIECE OF ASS

  
seagull: because it is it's like the core of the earth of asses

  
seagull: like wow ok you don't know how many times I've had to tell myself to stop looking

  
seagull: SAME WITH UR FACE

  
seagull: and it's like ha ha you kissed me AND I FUCKED IT UP why the fuck did I do that

  
seagull: because I’m literally a baby gay who cant handle this wow

  
seagull: did you know I found out what prepping was TODAY

  
seagull: from Yoongi

  
seagull: omg don't tell him I told u tho he might get pissy

  
taebby: okay stop

  
taebby: you like my ass?

  
seagull: and your face !

  
seagull: but yes

  
seagull: if somehow Uranus multiplied to be 7 billions Uranus’s

  
seagull: I’d still pick ur anus

  
seagull: fuck that sounded way better in my head

  
taebby: WHY HAS IT TAKEN YOU SO LONG

  
seagull: I DON’T KNOW U MAKE ME NERVOUS HOL YY SHIT

  
taebby: IDIOT

  
taebby: I THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T LIKE ME

  
seagull: didn't like you??? My dude

  
seagull: like doesn't even cover it

  
taebby: oh god I don't know what to do

  
taebby: I feel like I'm gonna pee

  
taebby: maybe I'm just hard idk

  
seagull: OH OKAY SO UR HARD THAT’S LIKE

  
seagull: GOD OK THAT’S A THING

  
taebby: WELL I AM IM JUST HONEST

  
seagull: I need to go shower so I can stop thinking about it

  
taebby: JUST COME OVER

  
seagull: holy fuck no

  
seagull: i can't even feel my ass anymore it's blasted off

  
seagull: oh man that was scary

  
taebby: wait so like

  
taebby: u wanna like

  
taebby: uhhhhhhh

  
seagull: uhhhhhhhhhh

  
taebby: date and stuff

  
seagull: YES

  
seagull: YES YES

  
taebby: hello jesus it's me taehyung i'm back again   
taebby: thank u

  
seagull: he said ur welcome

  
seagull: I WANNA TAKE U TO A FAIRGROUND AND WIN U SHIT

  
taebby: HOLY FUCK YES I LOVE WHEN UR COMPETITIVE

  
taebby: PLAY OVERWATCH WITH ME SO I CAN REWARD U WHEN U WIN

  
seagull: reward u say

  
seagull: like pizza???

  
taebby: uh no kookie

  
taebby: other stuff

  
taebby: with my mouth ,,,, u know

seagull: iNNEEDTOGOO RIGHT NOW

  
taebby: IM SORRY

 

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

  
chimchimney: but i have the cutest 

 

agustd: you have my favourite ass don't worry

  
chimchimney: ILL DIE STOP IT

  
hopesworld: where the fuck are the crackhead children

  
thesuccjin: well they're online so

  
nambam: My Namjoon senses

  
nambam: Are picking something up

  
nambam: Something is happening

  
agustd: oh fuck

 

[ _seagull_ ]

  
seagull: I am fine

  
seagull: plz don't do that again

  
taebby: SORRY

  
seagull: so

  
seagull: holy shit are we dating now

  
taebby: well fuck yeah I guess we are

  
seagull: wait it was really that easy

  
taebby: oh yeah totally the writer just needed some more plot in the story so

  
seagull: well it should of happened SOONER

  
seagull: I am an idiot how can you ever forgive me

  
taebby: some kisses would probably do it

  
seagull: not to be nsfw

  
seagull: but I will kiss you till you can't be kissed any longer

  
taebby: BOIIIIIIII

 

[ _the gay space club_ ]

  
taebby: change of plan i don't want any new butts

  
taebby: my ultra favourite best ass in the whole universe finally asked me out

  
taebby: all other butts

  
taebby: OFF THE MENU

  
seagull: I am said ass thx 

  
chimchimney: say sike before I fkn shit myself

  
agustd: tell me please that didn't really work wtf

  
thesuccjin: OH MY CHRISTMAS

  
thesuccjin: REALLY??????

  
hopesworld: UWU UW UW UW UW UW

  
nambam: Congrats guys!

  
taebby: IMAGINE BEING SO SILLY AND NOT CLAIMING MY BEHIND EARLIER

  
seagull: I’m making it up in kisses

  
agustd: didn't need to know that cute tho  

  
thesuccjin: CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE CHECK JIMIN IS OK

  
chimchimney: is it normal to be seeing rainbows and hearts everywhere

  
agustd: yh he's totally fine

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all aboard the little gay spaceship. destination : TAEKOOK 
> 
> it’s finally happening oh my god my skin is clearing my crops are growing 
> 
> here we go!!! 
> 
> also idk who made the i put the bi in bitch meme but it’s my life i need to find out who did so i can love them till the end of time
> 
> also next chapter is yoonmin’s second date (first proper date) and of course it’s gonna be a mess
> 
> BUT GOD FINALLY HAPPY CHAPTER 20!!! thank you to every single person who reads this, kudos, comments, bookmarks. ANYTHING. i love you all. my little heart feels so happy <3 thank you 
> 
> ♡ [twitter](https://twitter.com/rosyjoony) ♡ [pinterest](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rosyjoony/) ♡ [ask ](https://curiouscat.me/rosyjoony) ♡


	21. /an : update

Hi everyone! Just writing a quick update to let you know I haven’t died (well almost) and will be updating so soon (from the 17th for sure). 

Basically updates kept getting pushed back due to exam stress then new job stress and then deadlines before Christmas (which is loads, my uni hates me). 

Let me know how you guys are doing!!! The Gay Space Club sends their love. And so do I!!! x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> felt dramatic might delete later x x x


	22. ice ice baby

[the gay space club] 

taebby: i’m gonna say it

  
taebby: i miss jimin

  
thesuccjin: ....... it’s been 37 minutes

  
taebby: have you been counting too ?

  
hopesworld: do you not think this is a little dare i say dramatic

  
taebby: oKay but no rlly how DARE u

  
taebby: this is completely needed

  
seagull: ppl rlly do change when they get in relationships huh

  
taebby: can’t relate

   
nambam: you both cancelled on us today

  
hopesworld: at the same time

  
thesuccjin: and somehow magically ended up together

  
seagull: oh we didn’t even plan that actually LMFAO

  
taebby: our minds !

  
seagull: soulmate behaviour

  
hopesworld: i miss yoongi

  
hopesworld: he’d tell them to go camp in each other’s assholes or something

  
hopesworld: when will my hombre return from the war

  
thesuccjin: young love

  
thesuccjin: how sweet

  
thesuccjin: wish that were me 

  
nambam: Oh gee thanks

  
thesuccjin: sorry i can’t hear you over the sound of the 7th cup you broke in my apartment crying out to me

  
nambam: It was an accident? And I already TOLD you. I was starting at your ass when I dropped it

  
thesuccjin: SEVEN TIMES? OVER THE SPACE OF A MONTH

  
nambam: One can not look just the once

   
hopesworld: okay can not relate

  
seagull: aw hobi hyung we need to find you a mans

  
hopesworld: what

  
taebby: KOOK

  
thesuccjin: oh what a screamer

  
hopesworld: i don’t want a boyfriend you asshat

  
seagull: oh sorry!

  
taebby: he

  
taebby: he literally spent the whole of yesterday fake limping and saying “oh boy my ass feels like it’s been pounded by king kong”

  
taebby: does that rlly sound like a man who wants a relationship

  
hopesworld: okay it wasn’t fake and you’re just jealous

  
hopesworld: but jungkook seriously my dude

  
hopesworld: love is a concept to me that i can’t ride the wave of right now

  
nambam: Wow an iconic queen, we stan

  
taebby: i wish jimin would do that too so he wouldn’t be off on a date rn

  
taebby: why didn’t they invite me

  
thesuccjin: probably because they’re on a date taehyung

  
nambam: You can come over to our place if you like!

  
hopesworld: they’ll have to watch you two guys make out that’s gross

  
taebby: that’s why it’s fun!!!

  
nambam: OKAY so on second thoughts

  
taebby: i’m kidding!

  
taebby: potentially

  
hopesworld: deadass tho i hope my sweet babies are doing okay

 

 

  
[offline]

  
It wasn’t an irregular occurrence for Yoongi to feel nervous around Park Jimin. In fact, the feeling of his palms growing sweaty and his pulse accelerating so fast it felt like jackrabbit, had become scarily normal. His brain called it the “Park Jimin Effect”, in which the victim (Yoongi) is suddenly subdued to mini heart attacks upon seeing the subject (Jimin).

And seeing Jimin walking over to him right now, the feeling in his pulse was working over time and he had so much sweat pooling on his body he felt like a human fish. Which was a stupid analogy because fish aren’t even wet, the waters wet. The fish are just wet because they’re in the water. And Jesus Christ why did Yoongi let his thoughts take him away because Jimin’s right in front of him and that means his brain and his mouth don’t connect which means the first thing he says is-

“Jimin! What a surprise! To see you here!”

Jimin’s eyes shifted slightly and he pouted in confusion, shuffling his feet in a tiny bounce. ”Yeah? Isn’t this where I’m supposed to be”.  
  
“Yes! Yes it is!” Yoongi says it just a bit too loud, a little too jarring so Jimin flinches away with a puzzled look on his face.

“Shall we?” Yoongi’s voice comes out rapidly, as he was trying to get his words out faster so he had less time to mess them up.  
  
“Don’t you think you should explain what’s going on?”

Right. Because that’s how dates worked right? You sort of had to let the other person know what you’re doing. Or else it’s just a one person date? Ha ha. Weird.

Yoongi needs to chill out. Or at least stop being weird. Or hit his head off the nearest solid wall and call it a day. Any option is fine!

“Ice!” Yoongi suddenly, and again very loudly, to Jimin’s face. Which is a mixture of mild amusement, confusion and then a tiny smidge of fear.

Jimin had witnessed Yoongi in a large array of moods and emotions but this was way over his head. Maybe Yoongi had gas?

“Ice skating,” Yoongi corrects himself finally, nodding and beginning to walk briskly, Jimin speeding to catch up with him. “You know the rink?”

“I do live here, yes,” Jimin counters, side eyeing Yoongi slightly.

They begin to walk along the streets, quietly. In fact quietly was a little bit of an understatement because they were completely silent. Bar Yoongi clearing his throat every ten seconds as if he was going to suddenly grow some balls and speak.

He didn’t.  
“I have to warn you I haven’t went skating in ages!” Jimin swings his arms by his sides as he finally speaks, glancing over at Yoongi shyly.

“I mean same, I’m probably going to fall on my ass,” Yoongi winces at the realisation. The first time he’d ever feel pain in his ass because of Jimin and it was probably going to be because of slipping over ice skating. What a sad, cursed world he lived in.

“You gonna hold my hand?” A teasing tone masks Jimin’s singsong voice.

“What?”

“I’m kidding”.

Jimin pouts, thinking.

“Unless that’s your big plan all along,”

“No? No! Why does it look like it was?” Yoongi hits the wall of flustered at full speed, shaking his head and arms around like a windmill as though they aren’t in public.

“Oh god it so is your plan, isn’t it?”

“Shut up Jimin”.

 

  
The very strange part about ice skating is, there’s really no way to make it look graceful. Or hot. Unless you really know what you’re doing. And Yoongi did absolutely not.

Yoongi made this decision exactly 0.2 seconds after standing up from his bench and onto the plastic padding floor. Ice skates clamped to his feet, swaying slowly. He was fucked.

Like bambi, he clambered to the railing just before the ice, turning round to see Jimin watching him with fear in his eyes.

He hopped to Yoongi’s side and made it look only slightly less like he’d only just managed to walk five minutes ago, chancing a breath before he motioned then both onto the ice with a tip of his head.

It took Jimin 6 minutes to start feeling confident enough to glide onto the ice. He reminded Yoongi that it was like riding a bike and Yoongi would get the hang of it soon. At Jimin’s third lap around the rink Yoongi was only just beginning to shuffle without touching the side for more than a second.

He hears the twinkling giggle that was the main act of many of his daydreams, before he actually sees the person who made the sound.

“Here’s the deal then Yoongs,” Jimin skates in front of Yoongi, sliding himself to a stop and holding onto his shoulders. He ignores the titters from other skaters who have to now manoeuvre around them.

“As fun as it is watching you do whatever the hell you’re currently doing,” Jimin suppresses a choked laugh. “I’m going to give you a challenge”.

“Oh god.”

If Yoongi knew Park Jimin he’d know this little shit was about to make his life ten times harder.

“Make a full lap without touching the side and I’ll kiss you”.

Yoongi’s life was most definitely ten times harder. As was, maybe, his dick.  
  
“Jimin you can not seriously be serious,” Yoongi grits his teeth and breathes through his nose. He felt angry and aroused and so annoyed at Jimin because fuck! He wanted to kiss him so badly. But fuck that! Why couldn’t Jimin pick something he was good at to challenge him with? Like sleeping for 13 hours. Or making 3 minute ramen in 2 minutes.

“I’m being very serious, seriously”.

Jimin twirls around again, fully knowing Yoongi has a good view of his ass as he does so.

“I’ll give you some time to prepare,” and with a wink he begins to skate off. Leaving his date standing. Quite ironically, frozen.

The first slow and trying glides onto the middle of the ice made Yoongi feel like he was choking on his heart. While his stomach felt like it was jammed up his ass. Very very slowly he began to grow more confident. Picking up speed, his skates slicing against the ice.

Until he grew too confident. Moving excitedly. Beginning to wave his arms and holler at Jimin who just watches the whole scene unfold. Yoongi zips into the middle of the ice, turning the first corner with incredible amounts of new found speed.

Men, foolish.

“Look Jimin! I’m doing it! I’m actually doin-.”

Sometimes, in rare occasions, our life actually does seem to slow down. Time begins to trickle into minus speeds and everything becomes suspended.

Time had stuttered to a heartbreakingly slow pace when Yoongi began to take the hard fall to the ice. Smacking his ass on the ground with so much force he goes a little light headed.

What follows is himself trying to stand up again, smacking the ice again and again repeatedly like his behind decided it suddenly wanted to live and be glued permanently on the rink.

It couldn’t be worse until he remembers Jimin is here. Well, he doesn’t remember rather he’s reminded by the chortling sound which fills the whole rink as Jimin teeters over to him.  
  
Jimin tries to help, 6 times. But instead chooses to take many photos and videos. Yoongi can hear his phone ping in his photo as the group chat is informed.

“You’re dead to me Park.”

12 times. It took Jimin 12 times.

 

  
“You know, it was still really sweet even if it didn’t go well.” Jimin reaches over to pat Yoongi’s leg, which almost causes Yoongi to tear up in pain and then mild arousal. Two of the emotions he seemed to be favouring today. In Jimin’s other hand, he holds an ice cream cone with red sweet sauce. Some of the sauce has tinted his lips a light shade of red.

“I’m fucking fine Jimin. Honestly! Stop making a big deal out of it”. Yoongi’s face only stopped being a shade of red so bright it looked painful a couple of minutes ago and he shoots Jimin a death stare as he feels it creep back up his neck.

And Yoongi was sort of fine, it had taken him 30 minutes to limp to where they were sat now. A walk which would of normally took 5.

Jimin hummed, slowly licking the ice cream and making appreciative humming sounds. The combination of that and his embarrassment was all a little too much for Yoongi right now.

“Extremely sweet”. Yoongi watches Jimin and the way his tongue reaches out to lick the ice cream in silence before suddenly and not really to anybodies surprise he starts speaking without even thinking.

“I don’t even know why I decided to take you to it anyway I mean I don’t even know how to skate like sure it’s fucking cute but I just saw “ice skating” and thought it would be a nice date. Apparently that’s a bad idea and my ass currently feels like it’s been spanked by the worlds strongest man. I mean we got ice cream but that’s just fucking stupid because it reminds me of ice again. Maybe it’s just me trying to show you my true self. Get it? I’m cold? Ha ha.”

Jimin hovers over the ice cream as he tries to cram every word Yoongi just threw at him into his brain, instead making a strange strangled noise of confusion.

“Wait do we count this as our second date or our first?”

“Good question, I mean technically it’s our second isn’t it but then I actually planned this one”. Yoongi sighs, fuck planning anything ever again.  
  
“I’d probably count it as a second one then, yeah”.

A chunk of slightly awkward silence, accompanied only by Yoongi clearing his throat.

“You better start planning for our third”.  
“Oh there’s a third is there?”  
“Like you don’t want there to be a third Jimin,” Yoongi sarcastically throws back to him, before jostling his shoulder.

“Well duh but I might just play it safe and have a movie night date personally”.  
“Less chance of weird lobster people or almost breaking bones,” Yoongi counters, pausing from licking at his own ice cream to think about the lobster people again. A thought that passed his mind regularly, he wondered how themselves and the lobsters were doing now.

Jimin begins to mumble, mostly to himself, “maybe just my loud ass flatmate. I’ll have to ask them to leave”.

“What if we we can’t find a good movie to watch”.  
“Then that’s just awkward silence and… awkwardness”.

“So yeah the movies super important”.  
“Superrrr,” Jimin draws out the word as he gives Yoongi a look which is 10 times too filled with suggestion. Which kickstarts the Min Yoongi unresponsive meltdown.

“You know you’re- you’re really pretty- oh fuck,” Yoongi blurts out, until he realises his own ice cream is melting into his hand.

“Oh god, you’re so cute,” Jimin can’t stop giggling, watching Yoongi’s cheeks begin to get red again and flustered, holding out his now ice cream covered hand.

“God sake I just wanted you to know you’re pretty.”

Jimin begins to squawk, actually quite loudly and Yoongi can only dumbly look at him. Part of him is even concerned he might of offended Jimin or worse, broken him completely.

“Stop being so cute Yoongi I’m blushing, don’t look at me,” Jimin shrieks, ducking his head away and covering it with his forearm.

“No! Let me look!” Yoogni practically jumps on Jimin, removing the arm covering his face and playfully holding it upwards. He slyly leans forward and whispers to Jimin.

“You’re really fucking beautiful”.

With his free elbow Jimin begins to nudge at Yoongi, one to hide his beet red face and secondly because the ice cream hand was actually really close to his face and hair.

“Stop!”

“Okay then. I’ll stop”.

Leaning in, leaning forward, did that count as stopping?

As their lips touched, it was slightly too sweet from the ice cream on their lips, as well as also really sticky. Which was almost a weird feeling but not one that disgusted them both enough to disguise the electricity buzzing between their skin.

Yoongi could feel Jimin softening by even the lightest touch of their lips together, his body becoming jellylike as he fell into the kiss. So much so Yoongi felt the need to rest his hand on Jimin’s jaw, holding him to himself and softly massaging the skin with his fingertips.

Which only made Jimin kiss him harder then, leaning into Yoongi. Their hands and limbs and everything tangled as they kissed and kissed until they felt light headed. Which isn’t an exaggeration. Yoongi literally felt like he could pass out from happiness and trying to hide his arousal. Plus his butt still hurt.

Pulling away from Jimin was probably as close as a religious experience as Yoongi was going to ever receive. The way his lips were now slightly red, his cheeks warm and the way he blinked quickly. Eyelashes fluttering in surprise.

Then he looked up through the heavy band of lashes, up at Yoongi’s face with a smile on his own.

“You didn’t even manage to skate the whole rink you asshole”.

It was at that point, Min Yoongi knew. He was hook, line and sinker in love with Park Jimin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like the common cold, i am back 
> 
> and just as fkn awful as ever 
> 
> also i love you all  
> very much  
> so much  
> the comments on the update note were so lovely and ahhh my heart dude
> 
> i know i’m back a bit later but just a lot kept happening. everything has slowed down now, thank u jesus. 
> 
> so,,, bts. a lot to unpack lately. to sum it up: fuck. 
> 
> anyway sorry if this is Trash. i’ll Be back to posting,,, all the fkn time to make up for it


End file.
